I loved reading this post. This writer often says exactly what's been rolling around in my own head and heart, but I could never find the words to express it. (This is also why the internet is a constant reminder that I am not a naturally gifted writer!). One quote: I have always been plagued with a not-so-fun combination of literalism, anxiety, and pessimism. You do not want me on your group project. See? :-)
But the main point of this writer's post was to share some things she's been working on for New Year's resolutions (wise idea- post on the resolutions after some time to actually get them into place) and several of her action points are ones that I've been thinking about as well. However, I can't quite bring myself to put them here and speak them aloud, because I too suffer from a horrid lack of follow-through. I've been (rightly) called on the carpet a few times by Bradwick for going on and on about resolutions or goals that I really never make a concerted effort to actually do. It's not for lack of sincerity, because when I say a goal or resolution I really do mean it. I think that the main problem lies in my thought that chance happens easily and without much effort... that a resolution, once stated, should just settle over my life like a blanket, there to stay. But instead, when I'm faced with actually turning away from my comfortable default action, and putting in some effort to follow the ungrooved path, I give a limp little sigh and say to myself how I'll really do what I'm supposed to do tomorrow. And then guilt piles up to the point where I toss the whole thing, rather than have to look that guilt in the eye day after day.
It would be nice if this post would end with a full-throated "No more!" and a declaration that CHANGE has arrived, but that's not how it's going to be today. Being able to understand my thought process, though, will hopefully lead me one more paving stone closer to the gate marked 'action'.
PS- the radio silence of the past 2 weeks? Creeping crud, visiting relatives, mountains of schoolwork, and hosting a Bible study at our house... it's been a busy 2 weeks!