Sunday, February 27, 2011

Follow-Through (or lack thereof)

I loved reading this post. This writer often says exactly what's been rolling around in my own head and heart, but I could never find the words to express it. (This is also why the internet is a constant reminder that I am not a naturally gifted writer!). One quote: I have always been plagued with a not-so-fun combination of literalism, anxiety, and pessimism. You do not want me on your group project. See? :-)
But the main point of this writer's post was to share some things she's been working on for New Year's resolutions (wise idea- post on the resolutions after some time to actually get them into place) and several of her action points are ones that I've been thinking about as well. However, I can't quite bring myself to put them here and speak them aloud, because I too suffer from a horrid lack of follow-through. I've been (rightly) called on the carpet a few times by Bradwick for going on and on about resolutions or goals that I really never make a concerted effort to actually do. It's not for lack of sincerity, because when I say a goal or resolution I really do mean it. I think that the main problem lies in my thought that chance happens easily and without much effort... that a resolution, once stated, should just settle over my life like a blanket, there to stay. But instead, when I'm faced with actually turning away from my comfortable default action, and putting in some effort to follow the ungrooved path, I give a limp little sigh and say to myself how I'll really do what I'm supposed to do tomorrow. And then guilt piles up to the point where I toss the whole thing, rather than have to look that guilt in the eye day after day.
It would be nice if this post would end with a full-throated "No more!" and a declaration that CHANGE has arrived, but that's not how it's going to be today. Being able to understand my thought process, though, will hopefully lead me one more paving stone closer to the gate marked 'action'.

PS- the radio silence of the past 2 weeks? Creeping crud, visiting relatives, mountains of schoolwork, and hosting a Bible study at our house... it's been a busy 2 weeks!

Wednesday, February 09, 2011


I had a lovely afternoon with Madeleine today. After picking her up from daycare at 4 (and hearing that she had another good day- hurray!) we went to get the car washed at Danny's Carousel. We stood at the window and watched the cars go through the automatic washer, soap and spinners and swishers- and Madeleine was very impressed. She was equally impressed with the Junior Mints I bought when paying the bill, which we sat and shared while watching the fish in the fish tank. We went out to sit on the bench and wait for the car to be dryed, and played silly together ("I've got your nose!" "Here, I'll put it back". She returned the favor, to my nose, my hair, my ears, etc. :-)
When we got home, we decorated for Valentine's Day by getting out the tablerunner and hanging some paper hearts from strings over the dining room doorway. Then we snuggled on the couch ("Me sit in your lap?") to watch Mary Poppins. I thoroughly enjoyed watching it with her, since I haven't seen it since I was about 7. After about 45 minutes I went to make carrot-onion-potato-kale-sausage soup (which turned out most excellently). We watched a bit more of the movie, ate dinner, and then played around on the couch. (Where was Bradwick in all this? At parent-teacher conferences, sadly) Then bathtime, story, brush teeth, prayer on the couch, lullaby, bed. During lullaby my nose brushed against hers and she started to giggle. We stood there in the dark doing Eskimo kisses and she giggled so much that she was still squealing when I laid her down.

I hope the future holds more kids for us, but right now, I adore this time I have to focus on my delightful little daughter.

Creeping Crud

I am finally out of the deep dark pit of creeping crud, after 2 weeks! First a cold, which became a sinus infection, which WOULD NOT go away. I am always over those things in about 5 days, and this was going strong after a week! Seriously, there were several times a day when my nose was completely stopped up. Have you ever tried to swallow when your nose is totally plugged? Serious unpleasantness! I finally caved last week and went and got some antibiotics, thinking that in about 24 hours I'd be doing much better... and it was still 4 days before I was feeling even slightly better! I was useless the whole weekend, which put all manner of things behind schedule (I need those weekends to keep up with my non-school responsibilities!) I did finally read the most recent two books in the Temeraire series, which was a nice diversion from not being able to breathe. But I'm finally doing better, and after some housecleaning last night, feeling back on track.

Writing this reminds me to stop a minute and be thankful for breathing through my nose. It's amazing how I take that for granted until it's gone. :-)