Sex in America

The results of a survey were released last week. According to its data, 95% of Americans have sex before marriage. The survey's indicators are being used by many groups to question the use of abstinence-based sex education. If premarital sex has become normative behavior, goes the reasoning, then isn't it time that sex education reflects that fact?
I was saddened and also confused by this survey in several ways. First, saddened because so many people are missing out on what I have experienced to be true- that starting a marriage with no prior sexual experience is absolutely wonderful. I can't truly compare it with the opposite (no one can compare the two with personal experience, since you start a marriage either having had sex previously, or not), but I know that it provides a solid base of trust and actual intimacy. Obviously, this lines up with exactly what God says in the Bible- that sex is created for marriage and not for any other use. That's the reason that I waited until marriage- God said it, so I better obey it. I certainly haven't followed what God says in every aspect of life, but in this one at least I was able to.
The confusion, for me, comes with the question, 'How can this trend be reversed and more people convinced to wait until marriage?'. I don't see a lot of convincing reasons to put off sex OTHER than the 'God said it, I better obey it' reason. Outside of religion and faith-based motivations, the main reasons for abstinence that I see being given are:
1. reliable protection against sexually transmitted diseases
2. no danger of pregnancy
3. emotionally healthier
However, each of these reasons is growing weaker over time. Some possible rebuttals:
1. science is developing protections against most diseases without having to abstain (witness the recent vaccine against cervical cancer)
2. there are plenty of reliable methods of birth control
3. a shaky reason that cannot be tested. If 95% of Americans are having sex outside of marriage, then it would seem emotionally healthier to be with the majority, not the small minority
So the only real motivation for waiting till marriage for sex is the motivation outside oneself- motivation driven by God because He is the authority, not you. All the other reasons can be explained away, or at least rationalized to a minimum. So is it worth it to keep promoting abstinence in the culture at large, without it being tied to a religious motivation?
Therein lies my confusion- and this goes for many areas of how Christians should speak publicly about matters of morality. People who aren't Christians (and by that I mean those that aren't actively trying to follow God and take the Bible as authoritative) have no reason to hold to biblical standards of morality. Yes, I believe that God's laws are still practical and hold the best plan for every person- that's what makes me so sad, that millions of people are missing out on the great experience of having true, marriage-only sex. But should I, as a Christian, speak publicly about abstinence as a way of life? (and not only speak, but support Christian organizations that try to influence public policy, curriculum in schools, etc) Is that putting the cart before the horse, so to speak, asking people to follow God's plan when they don't follow God? I just wonder if actions like that will push people farther away from Christianity. "Oh, those Christians again, trying to stick their nose into other peoples' business." On the other hand, it's pretty clear in the Bible that Christians, if they stick up for God's way of doing things, are going to be salt to the world, and not make too many friends along the way.
Please feel free to comment on this topic or on the larger issue of Christians involved in public policy. That's a field that I find myself drawn to, but I have a hard time figuring out what a Christian's role should be. Groups like Focus on the Family and others, which take a solid stance of wanting to see legislation and public policy follow a biblical morality, cause a lot of people to turn a deaf ear to anything having to do with Christianity. How much should Christians push for biblical public policy, and how much should they let the culture go where it will and stick with dialoguing with individuals?

Random Quiz

You Are 50% "Average American"

You are average because you wouldn't pay to go in space. You are not average since you have (at least) a college degree.

How "Average American" Are You?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Things I am thankful for:
-an amazing husband!
-a steady job
-a great family
-a supportive church family
-my cat Samurai
-velvet sweatpants
-books!
-Web Sudoku
-a God who loves me and is patient with me
-and so many other things!!

What are you thankful for?

Guilty until Proven Innocent

On my usual daily browsing around the internet, I read this article. If you don't have the time to go over and read it, the article discusses a fairly unknown policy of some major airlines- that of not allowing any unaccompanied children to sit next to men. Many airlines apparently will reseat men so that they are not next to children flying alone. Now at first glance I thought that sounded pretty reasonable, but the columnist made some good points that had me rethinking that reaction after a few minutes. Her main point was that we are creating a society where men are coming under suspicion of deviant behavior, simply by being male. The article linked to an earlier article, which quoted a father who said that he's very cautious about hugging or touching his own children in public, because he doesn't want to be accused of anything improper. Another man, flying with his family on the way home from a vaction, was asked to move seats by the flight attendent (in view of all the other passengers, after everyone had been seated) because he was next to some children flying alone. He complied because he didn't want to embarrass his teenage children by objecting, but he was humiliated at the public implication that he might be a child molester. The columnist who wrote this article made the point that this attitude teaches children to suspect all men, and may even lead them into more dangerous situations. (If they're lost, and see a policeman, but he's male, will they be too scared to approach him?) It saddens me to see what is happening to the role of men in our culture- first being marginalized as the 'dumb father' in so many TV shows and stories, and now being suspected as the 'pervert man' that might take advantage of any children he can.
When I think about having children with Brad someday soon, I want our kids to know their fathers' love! It saddens me to think that Brad might ever have to be nervous about hugging or holding his daughters (or even sons) because of what people might suspect. Fathers are such a huge part of children's development, and particularly in how they learn to relate to God as their heavenly Father. Our society needs to remember the balance between the dangerous few and the many loving fathers who need our encouragement to raise their children with love, not be always hesitating in their actions. The 2nd article linked here had a man quoted as saying, "You have to have a certain measure of faith in society". Are we going too far in trying to protect kids, to the point where they will be harmed by the boundaries we place 'for their own good'? If it's at the expense of their fathers, I think this deserves serious thought.

Surfacing

This is a brief peek above the waves through my periscope, as I prepare to re-submerge and continue my foray through the busy school year. I really have nothing of substance to say in this post, other than that I'm once again ashamed of my sorry lack of posting. I know I'm always disappointed when I go to other peoples' blogs, and they haven't posted in ages. So for my handful of readers, thanks for sticking around! A quick snapshot of my last few weeks:
-I somehow landed myself on 6 (!) committees at school, each of which has required meetings and other obligations
-I'm trying to condense a unit on government, which I taught last year in 10 weeks, into about 5 weeks
-My team and I met with 30 different parents over the last 2 days
-I'm sick with some throat malady (2nd time being sick in 4 weeks :-P )
-My cooking has fallen to a mostly microwaveable level (shame on me) but somehow I'm still finding time for at least a little bit of reading time each day (even more shame!)
Despite my whining about how busy my job keeps me, and my feelings of frustration for not having time for things I'd rather be doing (or not doing; just contemplating life), God is helping me to see that I am being faithful to where I've been placed right now. I can say that I am doing my best at my job and putting great effort into it. I'm trying to remember to actively work 'as to the Lord, and not to men'. Some days it's working; others I fall back into whining again. But God's being patient with me, as usual. :-)

The Best/Worst Camping Trip Ever

So here it is, over a month since my last post... and after all my good intentions to post more! Alas, the start of the school year has arrived like a flooding river, sweeping me into a fast-moving stream of paperwork, lesson plans, and 170 (!) new kids to get to know.

I am trying to make more time for 'other' things this teaching year, however, and spend some weekends actually doing things instead of staying at home grading more papers. In the spirit of that, last weekend we went camping for Labor Day. We made ourselves part of the Great American Traditions and were rewarded by... well, you'll see.

For starters, this trip had been long thought of but not long planned. We had wanted to go camping with our friends the Winkles in California, but then HH was supposed to work Saturday of Labor Day weekend, so we bowed out of that trip. 2 weeks before the holiday weekend, however, he got the day off, so we started planning a last-minute trip. We asked and asked around for people to come, but unfortunately most of the people we know are good planners and didn't have any last-minute free time. :-( However, Brad' sister was free, and my brother Kenneth from California. So we planned a sibling camping trip.

I reserved a campsite up in the Arizona mountains, sight unseen, about 4 hours away from Phoenix. Brad and Stacy grew up in those mountains, and were familiar with the area, but hadn't been to this campsite. Kenneth brought all kinds of equipment, plus his invaluable know-how (it's so handy having an Eagle Scout for a brother!) So Stacy and Brad got our food and more supplies, Kenneth arrived after a 10-hour drive from California (! hazards of holiday travel), and we headed off to the mountains.

We got to our campsite around noon, and checked in. The campground turned out to be pretty much in the city of Show Low, but it had lots of trees and a woodsy feel. We found our sites and started unpacking our gear. We got our never-used tent up, and Stacy's tent, and began unloading some of our food in preparation for lunch. I breathed in mountain air and sighed contentedly.

That's when things started to go downhill. Poor Kenneth had a nasty run-in with a green caterpillar that stung his leg, and then dark clouds started gathering. We were just opening the cooler to get lunch food when it started to sprinkle. It quickly turned to actual rain, so we hurried to put all our stuff under our table awning or in the tents. In a few minutes, however, the rain turned into a downpour. Brad was in the tent and Stacy, Kenneth, and I jumped into the trucks. We watched from foggy windows as our low-lying campground soon started to look more like a small pond, and then watched with growing horror as pea-sized hail started to pound down. Hail! In September. In Arizona.

After about 15 minutes of this, it was obvious that Stacy's tent was in danger of floating away, so Kenneth sacrificed his dry spot to get out in the rain and start moving the tent and cover stuff that was still in the truck beds. Our bicycles got a good drenching, but he managed to get most things like mattresses, blankets, and food under the awning.

So after about 30 minutes of the downpour, things slowed down and dried off. We emerged from our hiding places, sloshed around cleaning things up, then adjourned to the tents and trucks to change into dry clothes and take naps. We emerged at dinnertime feeling more optimistic, since some nice senior-citizen park rangers came by selling dry firewood. We moved the table to a slightly less-deep puddle, dried things off, and started up the campstove.

After a dinner of tacos, we started a campfire and settled in to enjoy the evening in our dry clothes. We'd just gotten out the camp chairs, however, when we felt a few drops of rain. We looked up in horror and noticed the sky growing blacker again. Sure enough, soon the drops turned into a steady drizzle, and then, just at sunset, into another downpour. We raced to huddle under the awning around the picnic table and dejectedly watched our campfire sputter and die. We were determined to have smores, though, dang it, so we fired up the camp stove again and melted marshmallows by propane. Kenneth rigged up a tarp to give us one wall on the awning and we stood shivering under the awning, trying to avoid the streams of water coming off the edge as we ate our smores.

Soon it became apparent that our tents were once more in danger of flooding, so Kenneth heroically put on his rain gear and left the shelter of the awning to move Stacy's tent and dig trenches. Stacy and I were now standing on the picnic table benches to avoid the growing lake under our feet (Brad had given up and had on flip-flops) and watched Kenneth salvage our dry spots to sleep. Stacy went out to hold the lantern for him while Brad and I tried to batten down the food hatches as much as possible. When the rain still hadn't quit by 8:30, we decided to head for bed. We took a brief sojourn in the boys' tent to play a game of Yahtzee by lamplight, then headed off to bed.

Thanks to Kenneth's trenches, everyone was able to sleep in a dry place and woke up reasonably happy the next morning. I woke up around 7, put on my last pair of dry pants, and went out to survey the situation. It was still cloudy, but not raining, thankfully, and our last bundle of firewood was still in its plastic bag. HH helped me get a campfire going and we had a nice breakfast of bacon and eggs.

After everyone was up and fed, we held a brief conference on strategy- to stay another night as planned, or to head home? The consensus was: we came, we ate smores, we had a campfire, we slept in tents, therefore, we camped. And that was good enough.

So after a nice bike ride around the neighborhood, we wrung out our soggy belongings, packed, and came back to Phoenix. We happily slept in dry beds that night (as another monsoon downpour raged) and spent Monday lounging around, entertained by TV and video games. :-)

So, the worst- we were rained out of our camping trip and spent a soggy 24 hours in the 'woods'. But the best- we made great memories and had a good time of sibling bonding. Was it worth it? You bet.

Orcas at Sea World

 

Brad's best picture of the day, in my opinion. They're such beautiful animals!