On the Path of Grace

I'm back!

2011-12-01T20:53:00.003-07:00

Ahem. My name is Margaret, and it's been 9 months since my last post.

All of you: Hi, Margaret!

Oh wait... you say the point is to put up MORE posts, not fewer? Hmmm... sorry about that. :-)

Well, the figure of 9 months since my last post is not without significance. Roughly a week after my last post, way back at the end of February, I was scarfing crackers, trying not to barf, and collapsing on the couch after work each night. Happily, the reason for all that unpleasantness is now napping in his crib, cute as can be, and 3 weeks old already. :-D Add to that a job change, a move to a new home in June, and care for an active 2 year old, and you have the reasons for my poor neglected blog. And even though I run the risk of crying wolf when I say this, I am going to try to do better in coming months. :-) More to come!

Follow-Through (or lack thereof)

2011-02-27T14:34:00.003-07:00

I loved reading this post. This writer often says exactly what's been rolling around in my own head and heart, but I could never find the words to express it. (This is also why the internet is a constant reminder that I am not a naturally gifted writer!). One quote: I have always been plagued with a not-so-fun combination of literalism, anxiety, and pessimism. You do not want me on your group project. See? :-)
But the main point of this writer's post was to share some things she's been working on for New Year's resolutions (wise idea- post on the resolutions after some time to actually get them into place) and several of her action points are ones that I've been thinking about as well. However, I can't quite bring myself to put them here and speak them aloud, because I too suffer from a horrid lack of follow-through. I've been (rightly) called on the carpet a few times by Bradwick for going on and on about resolutions or goals that I really never make a concerted effort to actually do. It's not for lack of sincerity, because when I say a goal or resolution I really do mean it. I think that the main problem lies in my thought that chance happens easily and without much effort... that a resolution, once stated, should just settle over my life like a blanket, there to stay. But instead, when I'm faced with actually turning away from my comfortable default action, and putting in some effort to follow the ungrooved path, I give a limp little sigh and say to myself how I'll really do what I'm supposed to do tomorrow. And then guilt piles up to the point where I toss the whole thing, rather than have to look that guilt in the eye day after day.
It would be nice if this post would end with a full-throated "No more!" and a declaration that CHANGE has arrived, but that's not how it's going to be today. Being able to understand my thought process, though, will hopefully lead me one more paving stone closer to the gate marked 'action'.

PS- the radio silence of the past 2 weeks? Creeping crud, visiting relatives, mountains of schoolwork, and hosting a Bible study at our house... it's been a busy 2 weeks!

Supercalifragelisinexpialidocious

2011-02-09T21:07:00.003-07:00

I had a lovely afternoon with Madeleine today. After picking her up from daycare at 4 (and hearing that she had another good day- hurray!) we went to get the car washed at Danny's Carousel. We stood at the window and watched the cars go through the automatic washer, soap and spinners and swishers- and Madeleine was very impressed. She was equally impressed with the Junior Mints I bought when paying the bill, which we sat and shared while watching the fish in the fish tank. We went out to sit on the bench and wait for the car to be dryed, and played silly together ("I've got your nose!" "Here, I'll put it back". She returned the favor, to my nose, my hair, my ears, etc. :-)
When we got home, we decorated for Valentine's Day by getting out the tablerunner and hanging some paper hearts from strings over the dining room doorway. Then we snuggled on the couch ("Me sit in your lap?") to watch Mary Poppins. I thoroughly enjoyed watching it with her, since I haven't seen it since I was about 7. After about 45 minutes I went to make carrot-onion-potato-kale-sausage soup (which turned out most excellently). We watched a bit more of the movie, ate dinner, and then played around on the couch. (Where was Bradwick in all this? At parent-teacher conferences, sadly) Then bathtime, story, brush teeth, prayer on the couch, lullaby, bed. During lullaby my nose brushed against hers and she started to giggle. We stood there in the dark doing Eskimo kisses and she giggled so much that she was still squealing when I laid her down.

I hope the future holds more kids for us, but right now, I adore this time I have to focus on my delightful little daughter.

Creeping Crud

2011-02-09T21:02:00.004-07:00

I am finally out of the deep dark pit of creeping crud, after 2 weeks! First a cold, which became a sinus infection, which WOULD NOT go away. I am always over those things in about 5 days, and this was going strong after a week! Seriously, there were several times a day when my nose was completely stopped up. Have you ever tried to swallow when your nose is totally plugged? Serious unpleasantness! I finally caved last week and went and got some antibiotics, thinking that in about 24 hours I'd be doing much better... and it was still 4 days before I was feeling even slightly better! I was useless the whole weekend, which put all manner of things behind schedule (I need those weekends to keep up with my non-school responsibilities!) I did finally read the most recent two books in the Temeraire series, which was a nice diversion from not being able to breathe. But I'm finally doing better, and after some housecleaning last night, feeling back on track.

Writing this reminds me to stop a minute and be thankful for breathing through my nose. It's amazing how I take that for granted until it's gone. :-)

Yes, She's Definitely 2

2011-01-26T20:38:00.003-07:00

Madeleine's birthday evening, after I picked her up from her 'fun day' with Grandma, was supposed to be a cute little family affair. We'd have dinner, she'd open her presents, we'd eat some ice cream, she'd blow out 2 candles and Brad and I would sing 'happy birthday' to her.

Instead, we heard "No, thank you!" to opening presents, eating dinner, taking a bath, or anything else we asked her to do. She mushed beans in her hair, almost dumped her plate off the table twice, threw peas, and barely ate half her food. We never made it to dessert or candles. We offered to sing and again, "No thank you!". Talk to Great-Grandma? "No thank you!" Open your cards? "No thank you!"

I was frustrated for a bit, but then thought, what a perfectly appropriate way to welcome age 2. :-) And, in Madeleine's defense, she had no nap today and was so tired that she could hardly see straight. She went to bed at 7:45 after complaining to me, "I'm sleepy!"

What I want to remember from today is: Two years ago today I was laying in a hospital bed, holding the most precious 8-lb bundle I could imagine. She looked up at me quietly with solemn eyes and I wanted to hold her forever.

Tonight I was standing in her darkened room, rocking her and singing her our goodnight lullaby after nightly prayers. She snuggled in my arms, sucked her thumb, and I still want to hold her forever.

Yay, it's Friday!

2011-01-21T20:15:00.003-07:00

Hurray, it's Friday! I even got an early start on the weekend, although it wasn't for a good reason- Madeleine came down with a cold/ fever and by noon needed to be picked up from daycare. So I got to spend the afternoon with my cuddly, sniffy, sick girl... and since she's not too terribly miserable (well, she wasn't until bedtime tonight) I really enjoyed spending that time with her. Now it's sad because she was looking groggy and had a fever of at least 101 (thermometer was broken) and unhappy before bed. I hope she's better tomorrow!

Just for fun, I'm doing the 5 Question Friday thingy again from 5 Crooked Halos.

1. Where did you meet your spouse and did you instantly know it was love?

Hm! Husband and I met on April 12, 2003, on the front porch of Pastor Bob's house. My friend Candace had set us up on a double date (much to my dismay when she sprung the news on me!) so I was peeking out the blinds as he and N came up the pathway, trying to see what Candace had gotten me into. It was definitely interest at first sight, and that developed into love over the next several months of emails and visits. Even that first night we couldn't stop talking about all kinds of things we had in common and were interested in! After I went back to California, I hoped he would contact me and I did a little happy dance when his first email arrived 3 days later. :-)

2. What is your favorite room in your house?

My living room. I painted the walls bright green when we moved in, and I've enjoyed them every day since then. We have enough bookcases and stuff against the walls that it doesn't scream "GREEN!", and instead it acts a great background color. I give a happy sigh when I survey the room.

3. Can you wiggle your ears?

Not in the slightest!

4. What is your evening ritual?

Well, it's not what I'd like it to be, but... starting at 4 pm, it's 1) pick up Madeleine 2) play with Madeleine 3) cook dinner (most nights) 4) eat dinner with little M and Husband 5) clean OR play with Madeleine OR teach ESL 6) bedtime routine with M (Husband does half and I do half). Then, as soon as she's in bed, it's 7) check email/Facebook/Google Reader 8) do lesson plans 9) maybe watch a TV show 10) go to bed, usually around 11. Lesson plans take forever! :-(

5. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?

I am functional but unhappy with 6 (less than 6 and I'm not very functional!); I'm moderately productive with 7; I'm productive, cheerful, and creative with 8 or more. Sadly, my sleep deficit gets worse throughout the work week, and then I crash on Friday night, trying to catch up. I wish I could get by with less, just because there's so darn much to do, but I've discovered that one of the best things I can do for my state of mind is get that needed sleep!

And on that note, I'm off to watch Bones with Husband and then head to bed!

Pain in This World

2011-01-21T13:45:00.004-07:00

Wow... I just read a most excellent post on the subject of pain in this world. So excellent, in fact, that I'm going to post Jamey's words in their entirety, because she's expressed so well the thoughts that swirl around in my own head, I don't think I could get them out any better.

I don't know where this is going. I'm just warning you in advance. Just in case you think I'm coming at this with an agenda or trying to make a point. I don't have one and I'm not. I don't even know what the next word is going to be as I type it. My life is like that a lot....

Being a grown-up was so much easier before I was one. I mean, did you ever look at your parents, even as a teenager, and think, "Wow, I bet they've got a lot of stuff on their mind." No. We all knew that parents had it easy. Work. Home. Clean. Pay bills. What's hard about that? Surely they didn't struggle, they didn't have friends having a hard time that they were trying to help, they didn't think about deep subjects, they weren't scared. They were just adults and what could possibly be hard about that?

It turns out...everything.

I mean, life is hard. What is going on with that? I keep reading these things (and I'm not actively seeking them out!) about husband's dying, children dying, awful things happening during wars, people have sick kids, wives have cancer, kids in Africa are starving. People are getting divorced, women and children are abused. Kids brought into loving homes have trauma issues and spreading their trauma into their new families. Moms are exhausted. Dads are stressed out. People don't have jobs, kids aren't getting good educations. People I love have cancer, are having heart attacks, are depressed.... Life is a daily struggle. Lives are going 180 degrees from the direction that seems right. Kids are hurt by adult decisions, adults are hurt by kids' behaviors, marriages are scraped over the rocks and both parties left hurt and bleeding. People are scared, alone, hurting.

I just don't understand. From the little pains to the enormous traumas, I don't get it. Where is the justice? How can this be okay? Where is God while the world breaks itself? Why does the suffering just go on and on.

(I'm just putting it out there, God, that I don't think this is a good plan.)

I grew up in church. I went to a Christian liberal arts college. I married a pastor's son and a Bible Theology major. I've read the books. I "know" the answers:

God is restraining himself. Grace and free will. Justice will be restored with the second coming. God weeps with us. And all of those other answers.

Theologically I can get it. Intellectually I can get it.

But my heart is not getting it.

The more I see of the world, the more I am given the privilege of seeing into other people's hearts and lives, the more I experience, the more I learn, the more I want to understand, the more I wish I knew how to respond, how to help, the more I want to help bring healing into others' homes, into my home, the more I seek, the more pain I find

the less I feel like I know God.

That's all.

Thankful Thursdays

2011-01-20T20:13:00.002-07:00

Some things I am thankful for....

-watching my daughter push her baby in her stroller and "take her to the bookstore" (the bookshelf)

-a soft, warm bed on a cold night

-cars with bun warmers

-being caught up (mostly) with grading

-a wonderful brother and sister-in-law

-leftover pizza

-hearing "I love-a yew" from little M

-mint-chip ice cream

-"Chicka chicka boom boom, look there's a FULL MOON!" (when there really is!)

-holding hands and talking with Husband

-tomorrow is Friday!

:-)

5 Random Questions

2011-01-16T21:57:00.004-07:00

I was reading a blog whose author does a fun little meme called "5 Question Fridays". There's a way to link up so that everyone's posts are linked back to the main one so you can read various people's answers, but I don't know how to do that bit of technical wizardry yet. Plus, I was busy on Friday and now I'm answering them on Sunday. But just for fun, here goes!

1) What movie could you watch over and over again and not get tired of?

Hm... pretty much none. I get tired of pretty much anything I watch too much, or listen to, or play... And the more meaningful and serious something is, the less I can stand to watch it, just because I feel it needs to be paid proper attention. So the more mindless and frivolous it is, the better to watch it repeatedly, especially when I'm grading paper and bored to death. :-) For that, I'd have to say that Across the Universe is awesome. Love story, the best Beatles covers ever, 1960s confusion, my favorite type of leading man (tall, thin, dark, handsome... just like a certain Husband of mine)... I love that movie.

2) What's your biggest pet peeve right now?

Now I'm remembering why I'm not very good at these question thingys. I am so indecisive about picking something. In fact, let's just go with that- my own indecisiveness is driving me crazy right now. We have some Major Life Decisions to make soon, and it's a special form of torture for me, because I go over and over the pros and cons so often that there's probably a groove in the surface of my brain. I need a Worry Room like Uncle Scrooge. But 'pet peeve' wouldn't be complete without referencing the 170 adolescents I spend most of my days with, and right now it's the fact that none of them seem to have a pencil most of the time. It's SCHOOL, people- a pencil should be an appendage of your body when you're at school!

3) If you had to describe your best friend in 5 words or less, what would you say?

My best friend is Husband. :-) "Just as quirky as me". We are such a good match!

4) If you did not have to worry about money, or go to school, what would you do for a living?

I would... (many minutes ellipsis here because there are so many possible answers!) live in Europe, teach English classes, homeschool my kids, and serve in a church there.

5) What is your one "splurge" item that you will always buy, regardless of the cost?

Well, as new acolytes of Dave Ramsey, I'm trying hard not to splurge on anything while we make like gazelles and be intense. And there are dozens of current items that may move from the 'necessity' category to the 'splurges' category as we continue to tighten the ol' belt. However, I will always subscribe to a few magazines, because there's pretty much no way I love to relax more than curling up with a new magazine. Time, Woman's Day, and Newsweek are my standbys.

Gee, that was harder than I thought. I better keep working on #2!

Too much input!

2011-01-12T21:15:00.003-07:00

Today was filled wall to wall with things to do and things to think about. Here's some of today's mental smorgasboard:

Early this morning, checking Google Reader, I read Tonguu Mama's take on a new, apparently very inflammatory, article on parenting by a Harvard law professor named Amy Chua. So I had to skip over and read it for myself, and boy, people weren't kidding about inflammatory! Later in the day I saw it was one of the headline articles on Slate, so it really made the rounds. Chua talks about her 'Chinese mother' parenting style, which horrifies most 'Westerners'- in her eyes, it's expecting excellence, and in many others' eyes, it's control-freak parental bullying at its worst. (Never accepting less than an A in school, mandatory piano and violin, no playdates, no sleepovers, no acting, just getting ready for Harvard... and achieving this by railing at her kids about the family honor and how they're 'garbage' if they balk at her dictates or don't want to work hard). It really is a thought-provoking article, though, because she makes a couple points that are really valid: 1) that kids don't enjoy the practice necessary to become excellent at something- they only really enjoy it after they get really good at something, and should be forced to that point; 2) that hard work is a valuable skill in itself and parents should not accept laziness from children. My knee-jerk reactions are to agree with those points but still not agree with her methods in achieving them by putting a crushing load of guilt and pressure on her kids.

At school, I was deluged with the usual torrent of tasks to get done, and spend much of the morning immersed in helping students understand Jim Crow laws (they were reading about it online but, as usual, having lots more problems with comprehension than I'd expected them to have). Then in the afternoon with the 8th graders, I was answering all manner of questions about their World War II research topics and helping them find books and encyclopedias.

When I picked up Madeleine from daycare, I learned that she had a Very Bad Day, getting into trouble all day long, so J and I talked for a long while about what different consequences we could try. I'm really at a loss right now, as she doesn't seem to mind either timeouts or spankings, and I don't really want to increase either of those in frequency, as I don't think it'll make a difference. I know she's seeking attention (she's hitting the other kids, taking toys, saying "I don't like you") but I don't know why or how to help her find better ways (or, actually, tell J what I'd like her to do, since I'm not there to do it myself). Honestly, as soon as I heard about all this, I felt even more strongly that we've got to find a way for me to stay home and be Madeleine's primary caretaker- not because J isn't doing a great job (she is!) but because it's my job as her mom to be her teacher, her consistency, her nurturer.

Interestingly, then I read that a friend of mine (former Awana crony) -who blogs about her life as a stay at home mom- is joining the writing team for a site called Raising Homemakers. The purpose of the site is to raise one's daughters to be homemakers, and for them to be "stay at home daughters", living at home until marriage. This is one of the latest conservative evangelical trends, or so I gather, and appears to be headed for "I kissed dating goodbye" status as the idea everyone loves or hates. I went over to read my friend's profile on the site, so I scrolled through some of the other 30 or so contributers' profiles as well. One of the very first ones, that caught my eye, was a 19 year old girl who description includes "loves the Lord", blah blah, all the usual Christian description, and then says something to the effect of 'her talents lie in the area of academics, but her deepest desire is to serve the Lord at home'. That made me grate my teeth, because that sounds suspiciously like saying, "I'll bury my God-given academic talent that could influence the culture for good, as a teacher or professor, because at age 19 I already know that being a homemaker is what God has called me to, even though I'm not married and don't have kids yet". I know how quickly, in Christian women's circles, the idea that being a homemaker is an excellent way to serve God becomes the idea that being a homemaker is the best way to serve God. How can a 19 year old possibly know that? How much is my friend, whose daughter is 5, going to hint to her over the years that she is destined to be a homemaker, when God could call her to be a working mom? I have a suspicion that many of the blog's contributers might say that God never calls a mom to work outside the home. (Admittedly, the fact that I wrestle with my choices in this area all the time might make me just a tad bit oversensitive to this topic.... but still).

After all this, good thing that the education seminar I was supposed to attend tonight turns out to be next week. Now all I need to do is go figure out a way to teach 7th graders, in 45 minutes, about the injustices done to Native Americans by western settlers in the 1880s. In a differentiated, interactive, critically-thinking way, of course.

And then I'm taking my poor overtired brain off to bed!

Malaise

2011-01-11T21:48:00.003-07:00

It hit me again today, this feeling. This is a well-known, though not welcome, acquaintance. It's inertia, malaise, the deep desire to curl up and do nothing, nothing except watch the world go by. It comes most often when I'm tired, when my list of obligations and responsibilities seems never-ending. Yet it's not a healthy thing, it's not a desire to rest, gain energy, and then to head out again... it's a feeling that every action is a burden. It's hard to describe- when this feeling taps me on the shoulder, I feel like there are weights on my arms and legs, and that the best thing in life would be to find a comfortable bed, pile up magazines and books, and never move from that spot again.

Part of this is circumstantial, I know- the aforementioned lack of sleep, and the times when I take in way too much sugar, so that I'm crashing and reaching for more candy or pasta and then repeating the cycle. After eating some vegetables and eggs tonight, I feel amazingly better. But it's deeper than that, because more than just bouts of fatigue, I feel like I'm out of sync with the rest of the people out there who want to do things. I don't want to do anything; I want to read, watch, and rest, and that's about it. This is not good, and I want follow this thing down to the root and then get it out.

Here is something that maybe is closer to the root: I see so many people who want to make things, who enjoy the process of creating. People build furniture; they cook gourmet meals; they write stories; they sew; they exercise, building their body; they build lovely, inspiring blogs; they compose; they paint. These all sound like chores to me, like tasks that have to be done, not things that I would want to do voluntarily. From time to time, a burst of creativity squeezes out of me, but not often. The couch and a book sound much more appealing (short-term, of course, not long-term: I would love to be the person who writes, who builds, who sews, who exercises). And I need to figure out if it's just that reading and watching the world and resting are truly the things that I enjoy the most, or if there's something I'm running from, something I'm trying to escape about myself.

I hope I can figure it out.

V.S. of A.

2011-01-10T20:54:00.002-07:00

Vitriolic States of America.

That's what I've been thinking of these past few days, after Saturday's shooting of a Congresswoman and bystanders in Tucson, and as the media has exploded about the event, the aftermath, and the meaning.

I was all set to write quite a bit about this topic, until I read Kristin's post that said it a lot better than I can.

I cannot stand how ugly and inflamed political rhetoric has become in this country. Our government needs healthy debate, that's true; but the default today seems to be attacks ad hominem, and that creates a very hostile climate. Our political system also requires compromises, and you can't entertain the thought of a compromise if you see your opponent as the spawn of Satan and label him/her as such.

And yes, it does seem like this gunman would have acted on his own paranoid ideas even if things were completely calm and peaceful. And no, there shouldn't be laws that try to police language even more. This has to be a decision by the participants, to see opponents as humans and fellow citizens, and disagree with ideas, not with people. I hope that this chance for reflection isn't buried by people rushing to defend the status quo.

One thing I've deeply admired about President Obama, from his campaign to his presidency, is his determined attempt to be civil and polite to his opponents. There are many (many!) of his policies and actions that I disagree with, but his respectful tone, attempts to compromise and meet opponents halfway, and listen to ideas from all sides, are qualities that I wish every politician in Washington would emulate.

I hope our whole country will take this shooting tragedy as a reminder of how fragile the rule of law is, and how angry words create an atmosphere for violent actions to occur. That's something every citizen should keep in mind.

New York, someday....

2011-01-06T22:12:00.006-07:00

It's a dream of mine to someday live in New York City.

Something about the millions of people, oceans of differences, shades of history, all packed together, pulls me deeply.

I'm not a person who makes things happen. New York City seems like a place where things can't help but happen, and then I'd be there in the midst of it.

It's just a daydream of mine. But it's one of my very favorites.

Toddler Psychology

2011-01-04T20:29:00.006-07:00

What I heard when I picked up Madeleine from daycare today: "Madeleine had a very rough day". Oh, dear. I waited for J to elaborate and wondered what Madeleine had been up to. Apparently she made it her sport of the day to push and hit all the other kids she played with, scoff at timeouts, and even try to hit J when she was given a consequence. J was at a bit of a loss, and as we talked about it, I was too. I'm pretty sure Madeleine is doing this for the attention, even the negative attention she gets from consequences. It's tough because it's not something Brad or I can work with her on, because we're rarely with her when she's with other kids, and we give her quite a bit of attention by default at home. We don't focus on her all evening, but after being away from her all day, we play and talk with her quite a bit and there's not a lot of competition for our attention. So maybe at daycare (with a whole 2 kids and 1 adult!) she's seeking more attention. Or bored? Or testing boundaries? Or just plain spoiled?

Trying to figure out what's going on in a toddler's head is not an easy task, I'm finding. And it's equally as hard not to project my own thoughts/logic/weaknesses on her, and try to analyze things as if Madeleine were a mini-me. Example: as a kid I was devastated by any adult criticism, and so far Madeleine doesn't seem too fazed with our (or J's) disapproval. (That could be the age, though, too- she's still very concrete in her thinking, and I don't remember that far back in my own life. I was sensitive to criticism as an older kid, but maybe as a 2 year old I didn't care either.) And because Madeleine is so verbal, it's easy to think that I can reason all this out with her, but I'm finding that toddlers and reasoning don't always mesh. :-) But the cycle of disobedience-consequence-lather-rinse-repeat gets old fast and makes me wonder, what's the magic formula I'm missing? What do I say to turn my daughter into the little angel I know she could be?

Then I remember- that's not possible. She's human, and a small one at that. A little sinner to complement my bigger version. So I'll just keep trying to figure out the best ways to reinforce that we do what's right, and don't do what's wrong, over and over. And maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

If anyone has some good tips on the subject of disciple for toddlers, I'd love for you to share!

Mean Teacher

2011-01-02T22:13:00.003-07:00

I'm going back to work tomorrow with my game face on. I've made a new seating chart, moving some disruptive kids right up under my nose or away from their friends, and I've got some new policies ready to enforce. I will be laying into the kids about their constant lack of supplies (they're always borrowing pencil and paper from me) and getting class started right on time. I've got a lunch detention policy lined up to help enforce these new, stricter rules.
I'm going to be the Grinch, and all the kids down in HMS-ville will all cry 'boo hoo!'. Heh, heh, heh.

New Year

2011-01-01T13:39:00.003-07:00

I really love the start of each new year. I love getting things cleaned up, organized, and making lists of goals and tasks. This past week, being off from work, has been productive in organizing, and today I'm doing a few more tasks and just basking in the glow of my shiny new lists. Husband and I even went out to a coffeeshop last night and talked over our thoughts on 2010 and some goals for 2011, which was so soul-satisfying. (I used a great reflection questionnaire from Simple Mom, if you'd like to take a look.)
One interesting reflection on 2010, for me, was the realization that to-do lists and goals and organizing can actually turn into something negative. The more time and effort I spend in trying to get all my ducks in a row, the more worried and frustrated I get when things aren't turning out perfectly. It's an attempt to control life, and that never turns out well for me at all. :-) So this year, I will try to make lists and plans for my life, within reason, but also spend time talking with God about His plans for me.
A very happy 2011 to all of you!

Things I Loved about my 30th Birthday

2010-03-07T23:06:00.002-07:00

So, most people who know me know that I wasn't looking forward to today.... I have NOT wanted to turn 30 (and I've been kind of a pain to older people whining about it a lot- which I'm sorry for doing!) But the day came, as days tend to do, and I have to say that I had a completely wonderful day today. It was about as close to perfect as days come. Here are some of the things I'm thankful for on my 30th birthday:

-rain, glorious pouring rain, AND a gorgeous, bright, double rainbow this afternoon!
-breakfast with my dear friend Candace (whom I've missed muchly since our schedules have been completely opposite the last few months)
-a good and ahem, interesting morning at church (our pastor is doing a series on sex, and there were topics discussed which usually don't get discussed in church. But it was good that they were discussed!)
-lunch with more good friends (Josh & Liz, Gina, Deric & Jessica) and the aforementioned pouring rain
-a fabulous pedicure with more friends! (Stacy, Jessica, Nikki) It included massage and lotions and designs on toes and was completely relaxing.
-coffee with the pedicure bunch!
-a relaxing evening with Mum and Dad (Brad's parents) and Stacy, watching the Oscars and watching Madeleine be her usual charming self
-which brings me to all the moments I was able to spend today with my beautiful, cute-as-a-bug daughter!
-lovely cards and some birthday shopping money from family!
-phone calls from my family
-snuggles with my dear husband
-a warm bed, a dry house, and spring break only a week away
-lots and lots of daffodils!

What a perfect birthday! :-) This bodes well for the rest of my 30s. I hope it's filled with adventures!

Almost 1!

2010-01-24T22:51:00.003-07:00

Only 2 days until Madeleine's 1st birthday... I can't believe it. I held a 7-pound baby at church today and couldn't convince myself that Madeleine was ever that small (well, almost that small)!

Today's Batch of Cuteness

2009-11-22T21:11:00.002-07:00

Brought to you courtesy of Madeleine, 9 months old :-)

Baby's First Face Paint

2009-08-04T20:23:00.003-07:00

This was in July, at a church event. Our little mouse!

Summer Day

2009-08-04T20:03:00.003-07:00

A fun little meme (thanks, V!)

August 4, 2009
Outside my window…
....darkness, pine trees, grass and the community pool (and Samurai, prowling somewhere out in the dark....)
I am thinking…
...about some lesson ideas for the upcoming school year, and about going upstairs soon to put my beautiful baby girl to bed
I am thankful for…
... the aforementioned lovely little girl, my DH, and God's sovereignty
I am learning....
....how to place life's events in the perspective of eternity
In the kitchen....
.... there are dirty dishes, which I'm thankful for, because my DH made great smoothies
I am wearing…
... black capris and a black tank top
I am creating…
.... a new blog post (FINALLY, after 9 months of silence!)
I am going…
.... to enjoy time with my parents this weekend
I am reading…
... Lost at School (helping challenging students), Real Education (a vision for an overhaul of public education), If I Stay (YA fiction), Newsweek
I am hoping…
... that I can stop procrastinating tomorrow on things that need to be done
I am hearing…
... Holst's The Planets (movement: Mercury), which my ensemble played at our concert last week. Amazing pieces!
Around the house…
... school papers and supplies, baby items, quiet
One of my favorite things…
... putting my baby to bed each night- reading to her, nursing her, praying for her, feeling her sweet little hand on my face.
A few plans for the rest of the week…
... sorting school papers and making lesson plans, getting together with a friend I haven't seen in ages (hi again, V!), preparing to host ladies' craft night this Friday for our church.

Random End-of-November Thoughts

2008-11-30T20:05:00.003-07:00

I'm feeling too scatterbrained right now for any sort of regular post, so here's a bit of what's swirling in my brain. Note: what's swirling in my brain is of very little consequence to mankind. :-)

***December is going to be a CRAZY busy month, between holiday stuff, prenatal classes, and baby showers.

***Folding and putting away tiny little onesies yesterday made this whole baby thing suddenly very real! Equal parts nervousness and excitement.

***The fear of the unknown, especially when it comes to finances and job stability, is one of my major weaknesses. God knows this and is giving me lots of chances to learn to trust Him in those circumstances. I'm trying to be grateful for that! :-)

***With all President-elect Obama's preparations for taking office and his Cabinet picks, I'm very curious to see what his first couple months in office will look like.

***I really enjoy spending time with my parents. I'm sad that I live far away from them now, but it's fun when they (or Brad and I) visit and we can spend some concentrated time together.

***The politics of education, and district policies, really make me want to get out of this profession sometimes.

***Cranberry sauce and olives at Thanksgiving are still the best part of the meal!

Halloween 2008

2008-11-02T17:18:00.002-07:00

Just a quick post, as there are lesson plans to be done and dishes to be washed.... We had a great time on Friday night hanging out with our friends at the Mendoza's Halloween party. And I was very pleased with my costume- it was easy to make and it was a pun, both of which made me happy. :-) (I don't have any pictures at the moment, because we couldn't find our camera, but I will see if I can track some down from someone else) But here's my costume... I wore all black, and made a 'pause' sign (like on a remote) out of felt. I pinned it to my stomach, which made me...

A pregnant pause!

Hee, hee. :-) I wish I could say I thought of that myself, but I found the idea online. It made a lot of people laugh though! :-)

My Soapbox

2008-10-13T22:02:00.002-07:00

So, it's almost the time of year to start my unit on government with my 8th graders. This always poses a challenge for me because I used to teach 12th grade government- an entire semester's worth of material- and now have to cram it into about 6 weeks. Give 14-year-olds a reasonable understanding of our government's structure and foibles in only 6 weeks? Yeah, not the easiest task on the planet.

But each year, as I ponder the United States government, its original intentions, and the behemoth it has become today, I come back to the realization that the Founding Fathers did do a pretty great job of creating a (fairly) stable system. For all its drawbacks, it still does a better job than almost any other system of keeping power in check, spreading benefits to many varied interest groups, and protecting system-sustaining rights such as free speech.

Except for its fatal flaw....

Which, I've decided, is its emphasis on the short term. Our politicians and leaders in official positions, with the exception of judges, hold short terms of office. 2 years, 4 years, 6 years... those limits were designed to keep officials accountable to their constituents and avoid entrenched career-makers. However, this is just what's led us into the current problems that our country is facing- politicians, to keep their jobs, must focus on the short term. But many of the pressing issues today- the solvency of Social Security, the national debt, health care- call for long-term solutions that require some sacrifices both now and in future years. No politician is willing to stand up and give hard truths to the American people- we must raise taxes, cut government programs, pay back the debt, plan on higher prices for health care, etc. And it's not necessarily because politicians are deliberately trying to deceive (although some are), but that the voters of the United States will fire them for speaking such truths!

This is not the fault of the founders at the Constitutional Convention- their fear of an aristocratic, dictatorial government was (reasonably) greater than a concern for long-term thinking. They did, however, put great faith in the American people to have some sense of their own, which I fear is the main ingredient lacking these days. It's the citizens of the country that ultimately will have to admit that things can't continually be getting better and better, and that some sacrifices have to be made. If not, our politicians will continue to be paralyzed by the stricture of short-term elections and our country will keep pushing these problems into the future until they cause even greater havoc than we're seeing now. Please, America, be willing to listen to someone who will have the courage to say, "Here are the sacrifices we need to make..."!

Lazy Sunday

2008-10-12T16:35:00.002-07:00

So, yes, it's been FOREVER since I've posted. And after all my good intentions last May to post more often too! The longer I went without posting, the more things there were to update on, so the more I procrastinated on doing so. So I'm jumping back into the mix with only one major update (which everyone who reads this already knows!)

We're having a kid in February! :-)

My posting negligence over the summer was mostly due to the fact that I felt like the bottom of a garbage dumpster for 2 months... fortunately that let up just as I was heading back to school for another year of teaching. But pretty much all of June and July I spent on the couch or in bed, reading or watching TV and trying to find things to eat that didn't make me feel worse. Blech. So much for all my good intentions for projects to do over the summer!

But 2nd trimester came, and I DID feel better, just as many of the books promised... I'm glad I wasn't one of the sick-for-9-months types! Now 10 weeks of school have gone by and Madeleine's due date (Feb 1st) draws ever closer. Brad and I alternate between being excited and freaking out at how much there is to get ready before then!

In the meantime, though, I'm enjoying today as a nice lazy Sunday. I get tomorrow off work (thanks, Chris Columbus!) and thus can put off much of my work until then. :-) Yay for free time to read, even if all my magazines these days are filled with election-overload junk. Only 3 more weeks and they can stop analyzing the election and start analyzing the potential performance of whoever is going to be our next president. :-P

Trying too hard to copy?

2008-05-06T07:07:00.002-07:00

Ha! So my new resolution didn't last long, but I'm going to try to catch up. I'm about to start the school day, so this won't be long, but I wanted to point out this article that I read yesterday. It discusses how 'Christian' culture does weak copies of most 'mainstream' stuff, rather than having much that's distinctive or original about it. From romance novels, to t-shirts, to a TV show that is a Christian version of Punk'd (!), Christian culture tries to take something from mainstream culture and 'clean it up'; however, it mostly comes off as a weak imitation of the real thing. I don't know what truly original Christian culture would look like, although I know a lot of churches right now are working to try and figure that out, but it's an excellent point to consider. I'd like to think on this and post more later. Thoughts, anyone?

A Post a Day in the Month of May

2008-05-03T20:45:00.002-07:00

Look, it's a post! Since my frequency of posting lately has been at about the rate of the retun of Haley's Comet, I'm going to try to do better this month. The school year is almost done, so the dark and endless tunnel now has a light at the end of it- huzzah!- and I'm blinking my eyes and starting to think about the wide world again. Since my plan to produce deep, thought-provoking posts on a regular basis has, er, failed, I'm going to try to just spit out some randomness each day this month. If something strikes your fancy, please drop a comment! :-)

Thought of the day: It's amazing how much difference the amount of sleep I get corresponds to how well the succeeding days go. Especially with my students, if I'm well-rested, I have more patience and creativity in dealing with stuff. If I'm sleep-deprived... not so much. And it's quite remarkable that, knowing this full well, it's still really hard for me to get to bed early. 9 pm, and I think to myself, I'm not doing so bad... I'm good to go for another couple hours... then 5:30 am comes around and I remember anew how wrong I was. Sigh. :-)

I like January

2008-01-07T20:17:00.000-07:00

I love Christmas and the holiday season, but January is really nice too. Fresh new year, time to clean things, organize, curl up in flannel sheets with a good book.... It's a month that deserves appreciation, not scorn.

After 2 weeks of break, I had lots more patience to use for the 8th graders. It may be all gone by the end of this week, but at least for today I was happy to see them again. They're fun people. It was raining today, so about 20 came into my room before school and at lunch. Sample conversation:
Kid 1 (female), to Kid 2 (male): Hey, I saw you at the mall over break.
Kid 2: No you didn't!
Kid 1: Yes I DID.
Kid 2: I didn't even go to the mall over break!
Me, to Kid 1: You must have seen someone who looked like him.
Kid 1: Poor ugly person.
Kid 2: Shut up!
:-) Groan. But it was funny! Maybe you had to be there...

Christmas break = wonderful. HH and I spent a week with my family in California, and then had a week of doing basically as little as possible. I read a book I really enjoyed: Gone, Baby, Gone, by Dennis Lehane. It was mostly a dark police detective novel, bloody but entertaining, but the ending brought up a very interesting moral quandary. (Spoiler alert, if you were planning to read it or see the recent movie) The plot centers around a kidnapped child, 4 years old, and at the very end you find out that some cops have occasionally kidnapped kids away from abusive parents, to be the children of cops and their wives who want kids but are probably too old to be allowed to adopt. This particular kid's mom is not directly abusive, but is neglectful and a drug addict, and the kid was burned, etc, in her care. So the protagonist tracks down the kid but sees her having a wonderful time with her new 'parents', getting attention and love at last. He has to decide whether or not to report the cop, sending the kid back to the uncaring mother, or let the kid stay with caring but law-breaking parents. It's very clear what the law-abiding thing is to do, but the author brings up the emotional issues in such a way as to make it a very hard decision. Anyway, I thought it was well-done and thought-provoking. It was also a necessary reminder of all the child abuse that there is in this world, both outright abuse and neglect. It wouldn't be correct to say that I enjoy being reminded of the painful realities of life, but that I appreciate the reminders. It puts my worries in perspective and reminds me to see how I can be proactive in helping those who are hurting. For a novel, I think that's time well-spent.

Till next time!

8th graders

2007-12-17T17:54:00.001-07:00

Sometimes all I can say is.... ARRGGGH!

grr.

3 more days till winter break.

Thank goodness!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2007-11-24T21:00:00.000-07:00

Wherever you were, I hope it was lovely. Brad's parents cooked a great turkey, as usual, and I contributed creamed onions (onions, anyone? anyone? ah well, I like 'em :-)

Time to break out the Christmas music!

Tables are turning...

2007-11-24T20:35:00.000-07:00

... and it's very strange. My school district's liason for interns and student teachers, whose daughter I had last year, asked me to host a student intern this fall. I agreed, rather reluctantly. And things have been going well, for the most part. Intern X is very pleasant and willing to learn. I don't even have her in my classroom for the whole day, because only 2 of my classes are social studies, so during the language arts classes she goes to see other social studies teachers. She mostly observes, and last week she taught a two-day lesson, after which I gave praise and constructive criticism. Why, then, do I still feel uneasy about all this? I asked myself this question the other day ("Self, why are you uneasy with this situation?") and got the following reply: I am uncomfortable being in a leadership position. This may sound strange from someone whose job it is to lead 70 8th graders each day and keep them from descending into a Lord of the Flies scenario, but I realized that when it comes to peers, I shrink from the role of real leadership. I'd much rather be in the position of a student- asking advice, trying things, getting a pat on the head from those overseeing me. But when it comes to being the teacher (to a peer)- knowing how to encourage, how to give criticism gently yet firmly (since my inclination is to soft-pedal the criticism to the point where it becomes meaningless), how to communicate expectations- I really dislike it. I think this is mostly because there's no one telling me how I'm doing- mentoring me on how to mentor, in effect.
Chalk another one up to "things I discover about myself that I didn't even realize were there". Hopefully now that I realize the issue behind the discomfort, I can face it better.

thoughts...

2007-10-30T21:11:00.001-07:00

Sorry that my promise of 'pictures to follow shortly' turned into 'I will take forever to update my blog'. Here they are- some pictures of our Jennie Lakes hike last month- see below. It's hard to believe it's only been a month- seems a lot longer than that. October has worked me over this year, with some difficult lessons and some busy times. More on that later- I'm still working through some things and not ready to put it in written words yet. In the meantime, I leave you with some Halloween pictures to enjoy!

2007-10-30T21:06:00.000-07:00

Halloween, around 1989 :-)

2007-10-30T21:05:00.000-07:00

Halloween 2007. Party theme- recreate a childhood costume. How did we do? :-)

2007-10-30T21:00:00.000-07:00

Jennie Lake, Sequoia National Forest. It was great to be in the forest, with clean air and beautiful stars at night. It had been a while since I was able to experience that!

2007-10-30T20:58:00.000-07:00

Me and my sis!

The 9th Hiker

2007-10-30T20:57:00.000-07:00

Kia was a great hiking companion, and even carried her own food and our tuna cans!

Hiking at Jennie Lakes

2007-10-30T20:54:00.000-07:00

My baby brother and I, all geared up. My pack looks bigger but his was about 30-40 pounds heavier than mine. Thanks, brother!

Back from the Heights (in One Piece!)

2007-10-04T18:06:00.000-07:00

I realized I'd better post something soon, lest anyone think that I had died up in the mountains or something dire like that. Since I am still in the middle of the school week (and trying to get caught up from being gone all weekend) this will be a short post, but more details and pictures to come.
In short:
-We had a great hike, though very different that expected. 3 days before leaving, my brother found out that an early snowstorm had covered the Mt. Whitney trail in 2 feet of snow and that pickaxes and crampons and other such technical gear was now required to climb it. That was definitely out of our league, so Mt. Whitney was no longer our destination. It sits, waiting, for a later return when I will pull myself to the top someday.
-Instead, Kenneth took us to the Jennie Lakes Wilderness in Sequoia National Forest. This made me very happy for several reasons: 1) not as hard a hike 2) we had a more relaxing time and 3) my parents took us to Kings Canyon and Sequoia all the time as kids, and it was great to go back. That particular smell, of high, clean forest, is unmistakable. Even the dirt up in those mountains feels clean and healthy!
-We hiked in on Friday; camped, fished, explored, day-hiked on Saturday; back out on Sunday.
-Beautiful scenery, peaceful lake that we had all to ourselves, and stars that covered the night sky like handfuls of dust.
-There were lots of great conversations, fun times, and chances to reconnect with people I hadn't seen in ages. And quality time with my baby brother, which is a rarity these days. All in all, a great weekend.

Pictures will follow shortly.

5 Days' Countdown

2007-09-22T21:17:00.000-07:00

Now that the simultaneous events of starting the school year and moving to our new place are done, never let it be said that there's a dull moment around here. In less than a week, I will be doing something that will turn out to be either very cool or very foolish, depending on my performance. My dear sibling, my baby brother, has invited me to come on an excursion up Mt. Whitney. Now, this is not Kenneth's first time doing this; he and his friends have climbed it several times, on top of numerous other trips scampering around the Sierra Nevadas. A four-day hiking expedition is a walk in the park for him, and he and his pals usually have fun by seeing how much time they can shave off their estimated time. This trip, however, he's specifically gearing towards hiking newbies and non-backpackers, which is the only reason I was even considered.
So, this coming weekend, I will be trekking (slogging? dragging?) up a 14,000+ mountain, with 60 pounds on my back. My companion on this adventure, besides Kenneth and some California friends, will be a fellow Phonecian. No, not my husband- the thought of having to leave his computer for 4 days, and being dragged into the dusty wilderness makes him wince. (Whenever I bring up stuff like this, there's always a haunted look in his face, because he would do it if I asked him to. He's offered in the past to give up the Internet if I wanted him to, which is the most perfect example I've ever seen of True Love. I'm so lucky to have him! <3) Anyway, it's my honorary sibling, my comrade-in-tent, my sister-in-law Stacy that is coming too. We've been making numerous trips to REI and Sports Authority to stock up on supplies these past few weeks, and tomorrow we're heading up to Prescott to take a practice hike through some actual trees.
World-class procrastinator that I am, it doesn't matter that this has been lined up for 4 months. My training has been sadly lacking this past month. Moving and starting school at the same time has a funny way of sucking up one's time; however, I seem to always find time for Newsweek, if not a jog. So it will need to be sheer willpower, and some luck, to get me up that mountain. Well, and my baby brother's expert guidance. Fortunately, he seems to have forgotten the abuse I inflicted on him as a child, and promises to get me back in one piece. So- up the mountain!
I'll let you know how it went- either a post on here, or directions to which hospital I'm at.

Life Update, in Haiku

2007-09-08T17:09:00.000-07:00

Boxes and boxes
Making high walls around me
Why, why so much stuff?

Slowly diminished
Order returning to our
New (gently used) condo

Cat under the bed
Peeking nose out, slowly, scared
Venturing downstairs

Two weeks later, cat
Prowls and yowls at night, waking
Me in the darkness

Up stairs, down stairs, legs
Getting exercise as I
Carrry books and books

Dance of joy as now
House is becoming clean, neat
Happy here with Brad

Students file in and
Out of school, learning, laughing
I grade their papers

Teaching done at one
Not as rushed as last year, I.
More time to plan, think

This year's kids are nice
Is it bad to say I like
These new ones better?

:-)

-MEP

Another quiz!

2007-09-07T17:47:00.000-07:00

Rock on! That's the kind of nerd I want to be. :-)

Meyer-Briggs Personality Profile

2007-08-27T15:31:00.000-07:00

Most of the times I have taken the Meyers-Briggs temperament sorter, I get this same result. I'm glad it's consistent. I confuse myself a lot of the time :-) , so I enjoy personality profiles and tools that help me reflect on what might be underlying motivations or issues for me that I don't always realize. If you've ever taken this type of profile sorter, what temperament are you?

Busier than a One-Armed Paperhanger

2007-08-19T09:33:00.000-07:00

.... although fortunately no wallpaper is actually involved. But just so people know why no posts have been forthcoming, it's because 1) school has started again (just finished the first week) and 2) we're moving! We got the keys to our new condo 2 weeks ago, and right now it's filled with paint, dropclothes, dust, etc. Brad's amazing family is helping us get it painted and prepped before we move in next Saturday. So I will have either a lesson plan or paintbrush or box of stuff in my hand for the next week. :-)

PS- if you live in Phoenix, and have nothing to do next Saturday morning at 8, we are loading up the truck about then. :-)

Harry Potter fun

2007-08-02T09:56:00.000-07:00

A magic website says that if I went to Hogwarts, I would be in.....

I'm a Ravenclaw!

Summer Reading

2007-07-09T16:11:00.000-07:00

So here's the post I was thinking about last time- reviews of some of the books I've read recently. By 'review' I mean 'Margaret's opinion', not anything thorough or scholarly. I wish I could figure out how to put the little pictures of the covers, but I'm not that savvy with my blog. If anyone can tell me how, I would appreciate it! In the meantime, links will have to do.

Supreme Conflict: The Inside Story of the Struggle for Control of the U.S. Supreme Court (Greenburg). A detailed look at the choices for nomination to the Supreme Court over the last 25-30 years. This was very readable, not purposely obscure, and showed some of the behind-the-scenes maneuvering that goes on when there's a vacancy on the Supreme Court. The author interviewed several justices and also talks about their process of argument, discussion, and opinion writing. The book covered several of the failed nominations- Bork, Miers, etc- and the politics behind their failures, as well as the surprising shifts some justices have made once they were confirmed (Souter, etc). Being a new book, it covers all the way up to the recent Roberts and Alito nominations. I'm interested in the judicial branch, particularly the Court Supreme and the ways in which it uses or limits itself in scope, and this was really interesting to me. It helped me understand how great a departure from the past this season's slate of opinions was. It'll be interesting to see what the Roberts court does in the future.

Freakonomics (Levitt, Dubner) This book was very interesting, even though it had no overarching point (except, 'Look what economics can discover!') The author applied economic study to some unorthodox topics. This book got a lot of flack when it came out, particularly from the Christian right, because it postulates that the drop in crime in the early 1990s (after a steadily rising rate in the 80s) was because of the legalization of abortion in the early 70s and thus an eventual drop in teenage criminals. I don't think that's a flaw in the book, though- their conclusions deserve to be addressed, not just dismissed. Just because eugenics is a horrible practice, biblically, doesn't mean that it wouldn't 'work' if applied. It needs to be objected to on other grounds than practicality. However, this book mentions several times how important it is to make sure that one is really discovering a cause-effect relationship using economics, and not just parallel sets of data that aren't caused by each other, and I don't think it did the best job of proving that in its own arguments. It's still interesting, though. Other topics it covers are 'how much money do drug dealers really make?' and 'Does a certain name really help a child do better in life?' It's an interesting book, though not very applicable or useful.

The Bookseller of Kabul (Seierstad) This is an account by a Swedish journalist of an Afghan family she lived with. She met a bookseller in the city of Kabul, a middle-aged man who seemed to be what every Westerner would hope to proliferate in Afghanistan. He prized reading and education, tried hard to preserve his country's heritage and opposed the Taliban, and wanted to see his country make material progress. He would seem to be an example of the country's hope for a better future. However, the book mostly focuses on the women of the family and how they still have pretty miserable lives, subject to the whims of the males in the family. The bookseller has two wives, plays favorites, treats his daughters badly, and doesn't let them go to school or work. It's an interesting sociological case study, and (I thought) good evidence for how Islam distorts gender roles. It's hard to tell, though, how much of the family dynamics come from Islam, how much from tradition, and how much from just the bookseller's personality. It doesn't turn out to be the flattering portrayal the journalist had been expecting- it puts the bookseller in a very bad light- but it does highlight how deep the cultural differences are between Middle Eastern and Western thinking.

The Mighty and the Almighty: Reflections on America, God, and World Affairs. (Albright) The former secretary of state under Clinton, Madeleine Albright, discusses the importance of religion in today's political climate. She discusses the rise of 'evangelicals' as a force in American culture, mostly with a negative slant. She seems to fall in the same category as most religious liberals- religion is a good and necessary force for teaching morality, but when it comes to specifics like abortion and gay marriage, well, the government shouldn't decide things like that. Nothing instructive or new that I hadn't heard before, though she writes well and honestly. It's definitely not a straight-out attack; she has some good things to say about the religious right, which gives the book a balanced and mature tone. No screeds in sight. She then talks about the current world climate, in which fundamentalism in many religions is rising, terrorism is on the rise, and Islam is a global issue. She applauds President Bush for taking a strong stand against terrorism- again, nice, coming from a Clinton admin official. (She then points out how mismanaged and short-sighted the war in Iraq was; true, again). Her basic conclusion is "Everyone slow down, take a deep breath, and try to understand the other side's point of view". That's not anything revolutionary, but it sure would be great if more countries and groups paid attention to it. A good book, but nothing essential or groundbreaking.

The work of Carl Barks, and Don Rosa. These two storytellers delighted me for many hours of my childhood. My dear husband downloaded some collections of stories, and I've been been amusing him by the number of times I laugh out loud at what I'm reading. Now, lest anyone turn up their nose at the idea of Donald Duck comics being worth any time in this world, I know for certain that those and National Geographic magazine were two of the most educational things I read as a child. Not only were the comics funny, but Donald, Uncle Scrooge, and Huey/Dewey/Louie went to just about every country on the globe. I learned more cultural and historical information than I would have from just about any other source, and had a great time doing it, too. I'm definitely going to make sure my kids have ready access to these great stories!

So. There are more to add to this list, but I'll save them till another time. In the meantime, please let me know any recommendations that you have, or even cautions of things to avoid. I love to hear what people are reading!

The Good, the Bad, and the Awful

2007-06-29T19:00:00.000-07:00

So, this post was going to be about books I've read recently, but I'm changing it because these new stories are just CRYING for a post. As I've revealed before, I'm a complete news junkie, checking FoxNews and CNN and Slate several times a day, and it's always fascinating. I love the sheer variety of all that goes on in this world, first of all, and it's also interesting to see what the mainstream media decides to focus on. Here are 3 things I've read in just the last 10 minutes:

1. The Good. I actually found this article last, because the other 2 caught my eye and then I had to find a good article (to match my great post title). There is rather a dearth of positive articles in ready sight this evening, so a rat will have to do. Pixar is putting out another good, funny, non-dirty movie for families to enjoy. I really like this studio on behalf of parents and any future offspring that I might have. I want to see this, even though I don't have kids- Pixar has always made the price of a movie ticket worth it before.

2. The Bad. Mitt Romney, presidential candidate, apparently has some 'splaining to do, after a story he told to an interviewer about how he strapped the family dog to the roof of the car for a 12-hour trip, back in 1983. To make things worse, he was telling this story as an example of how he's great in a crisis, because the dog got diarhhea and Gov. Romney was apparently Johnny-on-the-spot washing it off the car. Animal-rights activists are now howling mad (pun intended). How could he possibly have thought that was a good anecdote to share?!? That makes another reason that I hope he doesn't win the Republican nomination (I hope this guy does).

3. The Awful. As if the Israeli-Palestinian conflict didn't have enough to keep it going, Palestinian TV has been showing a kid's show, featuring a very Mickey-Mouse lookalike rodent named Farfour, which teaches little Palestinians why the Israelis are so very bad and why it's the best goal in life to hurt them. This predictably raised a worldwide outcry, so the TV station has decided to pull the show. However, they didn't just pull it; they killed off Farfour by a supposed Israeli! Yes, that's right, kids, your favorite friendly Palestinian mouse was just beaten to death, on camera, by an Israeli. Now how do you feel about those evil people? This just makes me really sad, because it will just put up another obstacle to getting future generations to cooperate together.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring. Any news items you've found particularly note-worthy lately?

Top 5 Eats in Phoenix

2007-06-27T09:07:00.000-07:00

So here is the meme that Veronica passed over to me. (Aside- HH and I were wondering how to pronounce the word 'meme'. Anyone know? He thinks it's 'meh-meh', and I think it's 'meem'). Guidelines:
1. List the person who tagged you.
2. State your location.
3. Top 5 favorite local restaurants
4. Tag 5 more people.

Answers:
1. Veronica!
2. Phoenix, Arizona (north Phoenix... this city is becoming more and more like LA, in which suburbs that can loosely be referred to as 'Phoenix' are getting really spread out. If someone recommends a restaurant in, say, Chandler, that's an hour's drive away. So I specify- north Phoenix).
3. My favorite places (I include major chains in this because a) Veronica did, and b) because the branch is local, even if it isn't exclusive to Phoenix :-)
1. Macaroni Grill. Not just because of the good entrees (I love Italian!), but because of that fabulous bread they give you before the meal.
2. Monti's Steakhouse. Another place that gives excellent bread before the meal, plus great steaks, and it's over 100 years old!
3. Manuel's Mexican food. I really love their Hawaiian tacos. Great guacamole!
4. Pick Up Stix. Not even close to real Chinese food, but great tasting, and they have excellent little cream cheese wontons. I'm bummed they discontinued the Honey Chicken though. :-(
5. Wildflower Bread Co. A salad-sandwich-pasta place that has a big variety of items to try. I wish they had more locations. I love their butternut squash ravioli!

4. People I tag: Stacy, Staci, Beth, Brad, and Candace. :-)

Hm. On reflecting upon this list, I note that all my Top 5 choices are fairly expensive and fairly fattening. Sigh. Ah well....

Huzzah for summer!

2007-06-26T19:12:00.000-07:00

Ah, summer... when students are not at school, when teachers can read a book or dip in a pool, when it gets hot enough in Phoenix to fry an egg on the sidewalk.... fun times! In fact, I've been having such a good time that I've neglected to post anything for some time. :-( Sorry about that, loyal readers! Thank Veronica for nudging me out of my stupor. (I'll be posting my answers to the meme she tagged me with shortly). First, however, since my last post was about our imminent departure to Disneyland, I'll start with that. I've been choking down reluctant spoonfuls of crow ever since we returned (feathers taste so awful!) because I did, in fact, have a splendid time at the Magic Kingdom. I've even been admitting that to people who ask about it. Does this erase my years of aversion to Disneyland? Not quite... I still have a few bones to pick with the philosophy of "Your Dreams will Come True" being fed to little kids. And I still don't like pink or the Small World ride. But I feel a little less reluctance to going there than I did before. :-)
Part of this, of course, comes from going with great company. Not only was HH along, but my dear sister in law Stacy, her roommates Liz and Vangie, the irrepressable Josh, and of course Candace and Nathanael. Candace and I have been to Disneyland together 3 times now: 1) in college, with someone who shares a first name with a famous duck. Good times! 2) after college, when I was newly dating HH (24 hours or so newly) and C & N got engaged. Hard to beat a trip where your good friend gets happily engaged! 3) This recent time, as married couples. Excellent times! I suppose it will be time to add #4 when we each have ourselves some offspring. :-) Plus, on this trip, my baby brother and my former student Kristy also came by. Fabulous times!
The other part of enjoying Disneyland, for me, is the nostalgia. I love nostalgia. It's one of the few things I enjoy about getting older... more stuff to be nostalgic about. So one of the highlights of our trip was something that I loved as a little kid- the Electric Light Parade. I was sad when it was discontinued in the 90s, and thrilled that it was put back in the California Adventure park. Watching that, with the funky music, the spinning snails, the caterpillar and his hookah, was such fun! HH even got me a mint-chip ice cream cone to make the experience even better. :-) Other nostalgic highlights were the Tiki Room (another favorite when I was a kid) and getting to ride the monorail. Stuff like that makes me realize why I will take my kid to Disneyland someday (though not as often as the aforementioned Veronica :-) - because there is a certain special-ness to Disneyland (where else do you get to ride a monorail?) and because then they can have their own nostalgia-fest someday. It's a bit strange, thinking that I'll be able to shape my children's experiences in their childhood, and thus indirectly control what they someday feel nostalgic about. I'm going to try my best to give them a kick-butt childhood! :-) And a part of that will definitely include the Haunted Mansion, Matterhorn, and Tiki Room.
S0, the crow eaten, the humble pie consumed, and the rental car returned to its roost: I did enjoy our trip to Disneyland!

Road Trip!

2007-05-31T22:34:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow night (well, the wee hours of Saturday, actually) we leave for the happiest place on earth. I don't agree with that moniker, because there are about a zillion other places that make me happier. I remember being disillusioned with Disneyland way back when I was 6 or 7, because even though it was really fun to go to, we still had to walk in the heat and I didn't get all the souveniers I asked for and there were long lines. (Plus I was never that fond of pink, and princesses, etc. My favorite area of the park was always Adventureland, and I would dream about taking a vacation to a real tropical forest instead of just the Tiki Room. Although I did love the Tiki Room song). Anyway- I am looking forward to this weekend, though, because it will be spent with good friends (who are also very fun people). My baby brother may even join us for the day! And a couple of those good friends dearly love Disneyland, so it will be fun watching them have such a good time.
How do you feel about Disneyland? Why do you like it, or tolerate it, or loathe it (or anything on that spectrum)?

Oh Dear....

2007-05-19T17:31:00.000-07:00

Hey, look at me! Two posts in one day! I guess the fact that there are only 4 more days of school is giving me energy. :-)
So, I told this funny story to HH the other day, and he wants to post it on his blog too. It's that good (or sad, depending on how you look at it). A couple weeks ago in my 6th hour class, we were discussing the Cold War. (My 6th hour is filled with chatterboxes, because it's the end of the day, and some rather airheaded kids. That may sound mean, but you'll see what I'm talking about.) So, we were talking about Russia and how it's no longer communist, and the kids asked me what other countries are still communist. So we talked about Cuba, and China, and changing forms of communism. Some of the kids know that I've been to China (I have a map on the wall marking the places I've been), and they started asking me questions. Then the conversation turned to the Chinese language (no, not part of the lesson plan, but there was like 7 minutes left in the day and we all just wanted to get to the end of it). I told them how complicated Chinese is, and how there are over 3000 common characters to memorize, etc. Then students wanted to know how different languages got started, so I told them that languages change over time as groups live apart from each other (no Tower of Babel can be mentioned). So one girl in the second row raises her hand... 'Mrs. Petry, I don't get it!' 'What don't you get, Student X?" I asked. (Now Student X has a history of coming out with 'blonde' questions. Sometimes I think she just pretends dumb to get attention, and sometimes I'm not sure...) Anyway, she replied. "I just don't get it. If Chinese is so complicated, why did they stop using English and switch to that?"
Sigh. No, Student X, English is not the original language of the human race. You might be proud to be an American, but there are some things in this world actually didn't start with us. Shocker.

Immigration Arguments

2007-05-19T11:01:00.000-07:00

The immigration debate continues to build in the US, especially here in Arizona where the border is long, mostly unguarded, and busy with illegal immigrants crossing. The new immigration bill put forward by Congress last week seems like a hopeful step, but I wouldn't be surprised if it meets the fate of most other compromise bills- opposed by each side because it doesn't give either side enough of what it wants. I hope the parties can see the wisdom in compromising, given that the alternative is continuing to do nothing, but sometimes wisdom seems to be lacking in Washington DC...
Something that bothers me, though, is the amount of hostility I hear from many people, including Christians, towards illegal immigrants. My 8th grade students (who have never been known to think of facts when an opinion of their parents will do) hardly have to hear a mention of illegal immigrants before their righteous (and sometimes racist) indignation boils over. Back in April, we had just finished viewing a video about some people in East Germany who built their own hot air balloon to escape communism and get to West Germany. The kids seemed very sympathetic to the family- 'they were so brave', etc. But when I asked them if this made them feel differently about the immigration debate in Arizona, they instantly switched their position. 'Lazy, taking jobs from Americans', etc. (And of course the kids thought of these things all on their own, because 8th graders LOVE to sit around discussing social policy in their free time :-) But anyway, it's a symptom of a much greater mood in the country. And I've heard many adults hold a very black-and-white position too: 1. People are breaking the law to immigrate. 2. Lawbreakers should be punished.
Now, both those points are true, I admit. However, I can't help but feel that the blame is being grossly misplaced in this situation. Maybe it's my empathetic nature (wanting to take care of sick kittens and all that), but I truly think that people's anger should be directed much less at the immigrants and more at the Mexican government and NAFTA trading partners that continue to make conditions ripe for immigration. There's a mental analogy that I keep thinking of lately:
Two pastures of sheep, side by side, separated by an (old and broken) fence. On one side, the grass is green and lush, the water trough is sparkling, there are shady trees, and the sheep are content and fat (maybe a little too fat). The little lambs gambol about happily, not a care in the world. On the other side, the grass is scrubby and patchy, the wind stirs up dust that clogs the sheeps' eyes, the water trough has mold in it, and the sun is hot and dry. The little lambs are skinny and coughing and hardly have energy to play. Now there is a gate between these two pastures, but there's a sign on it that says only one out of 100 sheep in pasture 2 will be chosen to go to pasture 1 (though a rich sheep can pay off the gatekeeper too). There's a law that says no other sheep in pasture 2 can go over to pasture 1.
So it seems to me, as I think of that scene, that there should be anger at the shepherds who care for the sheep. There should be anger at the land-management company. There should be anger at the groundskeepers. There should be calls for change and reform in all those areas. But, I think, there should be a great deal more sympathy and understanding for those poor sheep. I know what I would do if I was in pasture 2.

Happy birthday, brother!

2007-05-10T19:47:00.000-07:00

Even with me as a big sister, my brother has made it to the ripe old age of 24. He's got the battle scars to show it, too! And he still actually likes me, I think... imagine that. :-)

Groan

2007-05-02T19:37:00.000-07:00

So today was Career Day at school, and I had a guest speaker assigned to my classroom. It was a retired school principal, who talked about her years in education as well as her waitressing during college and such. She also talked about what she remembered of the 1960s- Kennedy, Vietnam, etc, since that's what we've been studying lately.

Most of my classes were good, but my good ol' 2nd hour (well, the handful of louts that are in that class) managed to ask her two memorable questions:

1. Have you ever worked at Hooters?
2. Did you do LSD during the hippie era?

Great, guys. Just the thing to make your teacher proud. >:-(

(She's taught middle school before, though, so it didn't phase her very much!)

2007-04-29T17:06:00.000-07:00

New hair color! I thought it would be fun to try something new. :-) At least for the 2 months it will last.

Is anyone lurking?

2007-04-24T17:58:00.000-07:00

So, I'd like to find something out, if you'll help me. I know I'm a really slow blogger, and I update this site at the speed of snail (probably even slower). So I need some motivation- a kick in the pants, as it were. One motivating factor would be knowing that there are people who do look at this blog every once in a while. I am a 'blog lurker' myself, and I read plenty of blogs without ever leaving a comment, so I wonder if there's anyone lurking around mine. Therefore- if you stop by this blog in the next 2 weeks (till May 8th), will you leave a comment, please? If you happen to come by more than once, please leave a comment for each visit.

If you need inspiration to comment, here is a question for you: What is your favorite book?
:-)

Thanks, friends!

Unsearchable Ways

2007-04-16T18:58:00.000-07:00

What an incredibly powerful post this is. This blogger is a guy I vaguely knew in college, but he has great thought-provoking posts. Read and be thoughtful....

Spring Break!

2007-03-26T20:25:00.000-07:00

My spring break officially ended yesterday, and today was back to the kids. Ah, it was so nice to have a week to see people, read books... to have more of what feels like a 'life' than when I'm teaching! (I know that's a life too, it's just not as fun) :-)
I don't have a lot of time right now, but here are thumbnail reviews of several books I read over break:

Uglies, by Scott Westerfield. A decent young-adult sci-fi story. It's well-written, though you can see where the plot is going. It's about a future society in which everyone gets an operation at age 16 to look like a supermodel. Of course, evil lurks behind this seemingly great idea... The main character is well-written and believable, as a girl who wants the operation but makes friends with a girl who wants to run away to the wild. I also read the sequel, Pretties. It's a trilogy, and I'm looking forward to reading the 3rd part, Specials, when it comes out in paperback.

A Long Way Gone, Ishmael Beah. This is the current 'Starbucks book', a memoir of a man who grew up in Sierra Leone during its civil war and became a child soldier. Besides being a mournful account of a country torn apart and a childhood destroyed, it's a good example of how quickly and evilly people's morals break down when they're involved in a group that's acting in their own self-interest. The two 'sides' in the conflict, the government soldiers (and child recruits) versus the rebels (and child recruits), do unspeakable things and justify it to themselves. It really made me want to stay more aware of civil wars, especially in Africa, and find some reputable aid organizations to support. One of the best things about the book is his description of his rehabilitation and the people who worked with these murderous, drugged-out teenagers and children.

A Three-Dog Life, Abigail Thomas. Continuing my fascination with sad and melancholy books, this one is a memoir of a woman whose husband was hit by a car and suffered a traumatic brain injury. He had absolutely no memory and barely any present sense, almost like an Alzheimer's patient. She had to put him in long-term care because he was too hard to care for at home. I liked this book a lot because while this could easily become an exercise in self-pity, it's a realistic look at what it feels to go through grief and then acceptance. It's a strange in-between place, her husband not being dead, but their relationship completely changed. Like some other books I've read in this genre (The Year of Magical Thinking, etc), she makes no mention of God, and its doubtful that she has a relationship with Him. That makes me simultanously admire her, and draw back in horror- the idea of facing such a horrible circumstance entirely under her own strength, and without any hope of eternity.

The Gates of November, Chaim Potok. One of my favorite authors of all time, in fiction, here writes about a Russian Jewish family and their experiences under Communism. This true-to-life telling gives me great admiration for the Russian people, for surviving for 70 years under communism. It seems like the communists kept their power intact partly by a strategy of sheer confusion- things that were permitted one year were banned the next; people who had done a certain activity for years were suddenly arrested for it; that teetering way of life seems to have been purposeful, in order to keep people afraid. The book contrasts between a father, a dedicated orginial Old Bolshevik, and his son, a 'refusenik' who tried for years to emigrate to Israel. To see the son's eventual success at the end of the book, after decades of futility, is a great ending. It's the happy ending of fiction, played out in fact.

If I manage to finish any more of the, oh, 10 or so that I'm working on currently, I'll update with more later. :-)

Hee, hee!

2007-03-03T11:36:00.000-07:00

My husband is funny. You should go see. :-)

My Grandma Parker

2007-02-11T21:50:00.000-07:00

My Grandma Parker died on Friday. It was rather unexpected, and quick- a heart attack and she was gone. I had been waiting for a phone call with news of one of my grandparents' deaths for a long time now, but it still was hard to hear. I will remember her unwillingness to speak badly of anyone, her love of animals and nature, the way she would call me 'Mah-gret', her giggle when she heard something funny, and the way she would squeeze my hand when I sat next to her. I am picturing her in heaven now, seeing her Creator face to face and getting to revel in more spectacular scenery than Alaska's ever had. I love you Grandma!

2 1/2 Years!

2007-01-21T17:03:00.000-07:00

B and I just passed our 2 1/2 year anniversary, on January 17th. :-) Even though I don't go around smiling this big all day each day, I'm still just as happy to be married to such a wonderful man!

Inspiring

2007-01-15T18:05:00.000-07:00

I'm very proud of several of the men in my life right now. Sunday was the annual Phoenix marathon, and once again my parents came out so my dad could run. It was great to visit with them (I'm reminded of how much I miss them every time I'm with them!) and to cheer on my dad. Actually, I didn't get to see him finish the race, because I was over at the half-marathon fimish line, watching Brad finish!! I was so proud of him for doing the race, which has been a goal of his since this past summer. He got really sick for about a month in November and had to stop his training, so he'd pretty much decided to not do it. However, he was persuaded by his dad to walk it with him- yes, my father-in-law did the half marathon as well! And B got a bit more energy than he had thought, and ran for over half the race, finishing in 3 hours 6 minutes. Go, husband! My dad, meanwhile, racked up another time of 4 hours 6 minutes- amazing, for 26.2 miles. The under-four-hour mark continues to elude him, but all his finishes have been just over 4 hours. Considering that running for more than about 50 yards is enough to put a stitch in my side, I am amazed by my two dads and my husband! Go them! Right now I feel inspired enough to start training and do the half-marathon next year myself. We'll see how long that inspiration lasts though. ;-)

Sex in America

2006-12-22T22:15:00.000-07:00

The results of a survey were released last week. According to its data, 95% of Americans have sex before marriage. The survey's indicators are being used by many groups to question the use of abstinence-based sex education. If premarital sex has become normative behavior, goes the reasoning, then isn't it time that sex education reflects that fact?
I was saddened and also confused by this survey in several ways. First, saddened because so many people are missing out on what I have experienced to be true- that starting a marriage with no prior sexual experience is absolutely wonderful. I can't truly compare it with the opposite (no one can compare the two with personal experience, since you start a marriage either having had sex previously, or not), but I know that it provides a solid base of trust and actual intimacy. Obviously, this lines up with exactly what God says in the Bible- that sex is created for marriage and not for any other use. That's the reason that I waited until marriage- God said it, so I better obey it. I certainly haven't followed what God says in every aspect of life, but in this one at least I was able to.
The confusion, for me, comes with the question, 'How can this trend be reversed and more people convinced to wait until marriage?'. I don't see a lot of convincing reasons to put off sex OTHER than the 'God said it, I better obey it' reason. Outside of religion and faith-based motivations, the main reasons for abstinence that I see being given are:
1. reliable protection against sexually transmitted diseases
2. no danger of pregnancy
3. emotionally healthier
However, each of these reasons is growing weaker over time. Some possible rebuttals:
1. science is developing protections against most diseases without having to abstain (witness the recent vaccine against cervical cancer)
2. there are plenty of reliable methods of birth control
3. a shaky reason that cannot be tested. If 95% of Americans are having sex outside of marriage, then it would seem emotionally healthier to be with the majority, not the small minority
So the only real motivation for waiting till marriage for sex is the motivation outside oneself- motivation driven by God because He is the authority, not you. All the other reasons can be explained away, or at least rationalized to a minimum. So is it worth it to keep promoting abstinence in the culture at large, without it being tied to a religious motivation?
Therein lies my confusion- and this goes for many areas of how Christians should speak publicly about matters of morality. People who aren't Christians (and by that I mean those that aren't actively trying to follow God and take the Bible as authoritative) have no reason to hold to biblical standards of morality. Yes, I believe that God's laws are still practical and hold the best plan for every person- that's what makes me so sad, that millions of people are missing out on the great experience of having true, marriage-only sex. But should I, as a Christian, speak publicly about abstinence as a way of life? (and not only speak, but support Christian organizations that try to influence public policy, curriculum in schools, etc) Is that putting the cart before the horse, so to speak, asking people to follow God's plan when they don't follow God? I just wonder if actions like that will push people farther away from Christianity. "Oh, those Christians again, trying to stick their nose into other peoples' business." On the other hand, it's pretty clear in the Bible that Christians, if they stick up for God's way of doing things, are going to be salt to the world, and not make too many friends along the way.
Please feel free to comment on this topic or on the larger issue of Christians involved in public policy. That's a field that I find myself drawn to, but I have a hard time figuring out what a Christian's role should be. Groups like Focus on the Family and others, which take a solid stance of wanting to see legislation and public policy follow a biblical morality, cause a lot of people to turn a deaf ear to anything having to do with Christianity. How much should Christians push for biblical public policy, and how much should they let the culture go where it will and stick with dialoguing with individuals?

Random Quiz

2006-12-07T20:16:00.000-07:00

You Are 50% "Average American"

You are average because you wouldn't pay to go in space.

You are not average since you have (at least) a college degree.

How "Average American" Are You?

Happy Thanksgiving!

2006-11-25T23:26:00.000-07:00

Things I am thankful for:
-an amazing husband!
-a steady job
-a great family
-a supportive church family
-my cat Samurai
-velvet sweatpants
-books!
-Web Sudoku
-a God who loves me and is patient with me
-and so many other things!!

What are you thankful for?

Guilty until Proven Innocent

2006-11-23T22:16:00.000-07:00

On my usual daily browsing around the internet, I read this article. If you don't have the time to go over and read it, the article discusses a fairly unknown policy of some major airlines- that of not allowing any unaccompanied children to sit next to men. Many airlines apparently will reseat men so that they are not next to children flying alone. Now at first glance I thought that sounded pretty reasonable, but the columnist made some good points that had me rethinking that reaction after a few minutes. Her main point was that we are creating a society where men are coming under suspicion of deviant behavior, simply by being male. The article linked to an earlier article, which quoted a father who said that he's very cautious about hugging or touching his own children in public, because he doesn't want to be accused of anything improper. Another man, flying with his family on the way home from a vaction, was asked to move seats by the flight attendent (in view of all the other passengers, after everyone had been seated) because he was next to some children flying alone. He complied because he didn't want to embarrass his teenage children by objecting, but he was humiliated at the public implication that he might be a child molester. The columnist who wrote this article made the point that this attitude teaches children to suspect all men, and may even lead them into more dangerous situations. (If they're lost, and see a policeman, but he's male, will they be too scared to approach him?) It saddens me to see what is happening to the role of men in our culture- first being marginalized as the 'dumb father' in so many TV shows and stories, and now being suspected as the 'pervert man' that might take advantage of any children he can.
When I think about having children with Brad someday soon, I want our kids to know their fathers' love! It saddens me to think that Brad might ever have to be nervous about hugging or holding his daughters (or even sons) because of what people might suspect. Fathers are such a huge part of children's development, and particularly in how they learn to relate to God as their heavenly Father. Our society needs to remember the balance between the dangerous few and the many loving fathers who need our encouragement to raise their children with love, not be always hesitating in their actions. The 2nd article linked here had a man quoted as saying, "You have to have a certain measure of faith in society". Are we going too far in trying to protect kids, to the point where they will be harmed by the boundaries we place 'for their own good'? If it's at the expense of their fathers, I think this deserves serious thought.

Surfacing

2006-10-21T21:57:00.000-07:00

This is a brief peek above the waves through my periscope, as I prepare to re-submerge and continue my foray through the busy school year. I really have nothing of substance to say in this post, other than that I'm once again ashamed of my sorry lack of posting. I know I'm always disappointed when I go to other peoples' blogs, and they haven't posted in ages. So for my handful of readers, thanks for sticking around! A quick snapshot of my last few weeks:
-I somehow landed myself on 6 (!) committees at school, each of which has required meetings and other obligations
-I'm trying to condense a unit on government, which I taught last year in 10 weeks, into about 5 weeks
-My team and I met with 30 different parents over the last 2 days
-I'm sick with some throat malady (2nd time being sick in 4 weeks :-P )
-My cooking has fallen to a mostly microwaveable level (shame on me) but somehow I'm still finding time for at least a little bit of reading time each day (even more shame!)
Despite my whining about how busy my job keeps me, and my feelings of frustration for not having time for things I'd rather be doing (or not doing; just contemplating life), God is helping me to see that I am being faithful to where I've been placed right now. I can say that I am doing my best at my job and putting great effort into it. I'm trying to remember to actively work 'as to the Lord, and not to men'. Some days it's working; others I fall back into whining again. But God's being patient with me, as usual. :-)

The Best/Worst Camping Trip Ever

2006-09-09T13:58:00.000-07:00

So here it is, over a month since my last post... and after all my good intentions to post more! Alas, the start of the school year has arrived like a flooding river, sweeping me into a fast-moving stream of paperwork, lesson plans, and 170 (!) new kids to get to know.

I am trying to make more time for 'other' things this teaching year, however, and spend some weekends actually doing things instead of staying at home grading more papers. In the spirit of that, last weekend we went camping for Labor Day. We made ourselves part of the Great American Traditions and were rewarded by... well, you'll see.

For starters, this trip had been long thought of but not long planned. We had wanted to go camping with our friends the Winkles in California, but then HH was supposed to work Saturday of Labor Day weekend, so we bowed out of that trip. 2 weeks before the holiday weekend, however, he got the day off, so we started planning a last-minute trip. We asked and asked around for people to come, but unfortunately most of the people we know are good planners and didn't have any last-minute free time. :-( However, Brad' sister was free, and my brother Kenneth from California. So we planned a sibling camping trip.

I reserved a campsite up in the Arizona mountains, sight unseen, about 4 hours away from Phoenix. Brad and Stacy grew up in those mountains, and were familiar with the area, but hadn't been to this campsite. Kenneth brought all kinds of equipment, plus his invaluable know-how (it's so handy having an Eagle Scout for a brother!) So Stacy and Brad got our food and more supplies, Kenneth arrived after a 10-hour drive from California (! hazards of holiday travel), and we headed off to the mountains.

We got to our campsite around noon, and checked in. The campground turned out to be pretty much in the city of Show Low, but it had lots of trees and a woodsy feel. We found our sites and started unpacking our gear. We got our never-used tent up, and Stacy's tent, and began unloading some of our food in preparation for lunch. I breathed in mountain air and sighed contentedly.

That's when things started to go downhill. Poor Kenneth had a nasty run-in with a green caterpillar that stung his leg, and then dark clouds started gathering. We were just opening the cooler to get lunch food when it started to sprinkle. It quickly turned to actual rain, so we hurried to put all our stuff under our table awning or in the tents. In a few minutes, however, the rain turned into a downpour. Brad was in the tent and Stacy, Kenneth, and I jumped into the trucks. We watched from foggy windows as our low-lying campground soon started to look more like a small pond, and then watched with growing horror as pea-sized hail started to pound down. Hail! In September. In Arizona.

After about 15 minutes of this, it was obvious that Stacy's tent was in danger of floating away, so Kenneth sacrificed his dry spot to get out in the rain and start moving the tent and cover stuff that was still in the truck beds. Our bicycles got a good drenching, but he managed to get most things like mattresses, blankets, and food under the awning.

So after about 30 minutes of the downpour, things slowed down and dried off. We emerged from our hiding places, sloshed around cleaning things up, then adjourned to the tents and trucks to change into dry clothes and take naps. We emerged at dinnertime feeling more optimistic, since some nice senior-citizen park rangers came by selling dry firewood. We moved the table to a slightly less-deep puddle, dried things off, and started up the campstove.

After a dinner of tacos, we started a campfire and settled in to enjoy the evening in our dry clothes. We'd just gotten out the camp chairs, however, when we felt a few drops of rain. We looked up in horror and noticed the sky growing blacker again. Sure enough, soon the drops turned into a steady drizzle, and then, just at sunset, into another downpour. We raced to huddle under the awning around the picnic table and dejectedly watched our campfire sputter and die. We were determined to have smores, though, dang it, so we fired up the camp stove again and melted marshmallows by propane. Kenneth rigged up a tarp to give us one wall on the awning and we stood shivering under the awning, trying to avoid the streams of water coming off the edge as we ate our smores.

Soon it became apparent that our tents were once more in danger of flooding, so Kenneth heroically put on his rain gear and left the shelter of the awning to move Stacy's tent and dig trenches. Stacy and I were now standing on the picnic table benches to avoid the growing lake under our feet (Brad had given up and had on flip-flops) and watched Kenneth salvage our dry spots to sleep. Stacy went out to hold the lantern for him while Brad and I tried to batten down the food hatches as much as possible. When the rain still hadn't quit by 8:30, we decided to head for bed. We took a brief sojourn in the boys' tent to play a game of Yahtzee by lamplight, then headed off to bed.

Thanks to Kenneth's trenches, everyone was able to sleep in a dry place and woke up reasonably happy the next morning. I woke up around 7, put on my last pair of dry pants, and went out to survey the situation. It was still cloudy, but not raining, thankfully, and our last bundle of firewood was still in its plastic bag. HH helped me get a campfire going and we had a nice breakfast of bacon and eggs.

After everyone was up and fed, we held a brief conference on strategy- to stay another night as planned, or to head home? The consensus was: we came, we ate smores, we had a campfire, we slept in tents, therefore, we camped. And that was good enough.

So after a nice bike ride around the neighborhood, we wrung out our soggy belongings, packed, and came back to Phoenix. We happily slept in dry beds that night (as another monsoon downpour raged) and spent Monday lounging around, entertained by TV and video games. :-)

So, the worst- we were rained out of our camping trip and spent a soggy 24 hours in the 'woods'. But the best- we made great memories and had a good time of sibling bonding. Was it worth it? You bet.

Orcas at Sea World

2006-07-28T00:06:00.000-07:00

Brad's best picture of the day, in my opinion. They're such beautiful animals!

Otter Carrying Soda

2006-07-28T00:04:00.000-07:00

I involuntarily gave a really high-pitched squeal of delight when the otter came out carrying the soda. Rivals baby pandas for cuteness!

Bat Rays at Sea World

2006-07-28T00:02:00.000-07:00

This was my favorite part of Sea World when I was about 6 years old. It was still just as fun!

Comic Con! #1

2006-07-27T23:36:00.000-07:00

Brad and I returned on Monday from 5 days in California at the San Diego Comic Con. For those who haven't heard (as I hadn't, 2 years ago), Comic Con is a convention for comic book art, but it has grown to the point that it describes itself more as a convention for 'lovers of pop culture'. Comics, all kinds, movie companies, fantasy books and movies, Star Trek and other TV series past and present, Star Wars, artists, fans, publishers, and more all converge for 4 days. I'm going to blog a couple posts about my thoughts on it.
First, however, let me say quickly that we took a one-day detour to go to Sea World. I hadn't been there for over 10 years, and I'm almost embarassed to admit how much fun I had. Sea otters, orcas, dolphins, and such are high up on my 'cute' list, especially when they perform in a show. Well, 'cute' doesn't quite cover it, since killer whales are not the same kind of cute as an otter carrying a can of soda (picture to follow), but it's just a rare spectacle to see rare animals showing their intelligence through what they've learned, and I guess the best way to put it is that I appreciate that. I squealed and oohed and ahhed all day, as we went to about 5 animal performances, and Brad was extremely patient through the whole excursion. I think he was keeping his mind on the upcoming Con to keep from getting too bored, although he really enjoyed the animal shows too (and even touched a bat ray, albeit under duress- from me :-).
Wednesday night, however, we made our way to downtown San Diego, found an elusive parking space, and hit the Con for preview night. This was an early entry for all the 4-day pass holders to register and be the first to see the merchandise floor. Now the San Diego convention center is huge, and the Con filled it to overflowing. The ground floor, with the merchandise booths, was probably about a quarter-mile long and covered with booths and aisleways for its entire length. We wandered around for about an hour and a half, and most of the time my mouth was just hanging open, trying to take it all in.
Now, I saw myself rather as an interloper at this event, because I really know next to nothing about most comic books and characters. All I know about Batman, Spiderman, etc, comes from the recent movies and from Brad. I do know my Star Wars, and I've read Tolkien and Hitchhiker's Guide, so I didn't consider myself a complete ignoramus, but my knowledge is a cupful in the vast ocean that was presented at this Con. So I tried to take as much as I could in, but I also bordered on overload most of the time we were there. I helped balance the feeling by people-watching; and if you're a people-watcher, you should go to this event next year- it was a prime spot for the passtime. The crowd was not homogenous, by any means, but there definitely was a trend towards males in their 20s, 30s, and 40s. Some people were in regular clothes, some had shirts or buttons proclaiming their particular allegiance (Green Lantern, anime series, Star Wars, etc), and others were in costume. Of the costumes, some were intended to be a certain character and others (this was more prevalent among girls) were an opportunity to dress however they always wanted to (mostly this was Hot-Topic-esque).
Probably the dominant impression in my mind, as we left that night, was that the escapism that comics and pop culture offer is hugely popular. There are plenty of other forms of escapism in the world, too, but this was a big representative slice. It made me think about why people want the escapism, and how much it's a part of my life, and what my attitude should be towards that. The next four days gave me a lot more time to think these things over.

Tag- Sets of 4s

2006-07-04T23:34:00.000-07:00

I've been tagged with this fun list thingy from Veronica. It's late, so I reserve the right to change these answers if I read them in the morning and think of better things to put. :-)

Four jobs I've had:
1. Office assistant at a CPA's office (read: copy, file, type)
2. 'Counselor' for summer daycare program (ages 6-14)
3. Social studies teacher- first at high school, now junior high
4. Sylvan Learning Center teacher

Four movies I can watch over and over again:
1. Say Anything
2. Wimbledon
3. An Ideal Husband
4. Garden State

Four places I've lived:
1. Torrance, CA (age 1-4)
2. Camarillo, CA (age 4-18)
3. Santa Clarita, CA (age 18-24)
4. Phoenix, AZ (current!)

Four places I've vacationed:
1. Italy
2. New York, NY
3. Washington, DC
4. Hungary

Four TV shows I watch:
1. Lost
2. House, MD
3. How I Met Your Mother
4. CSI

Four foods I love:
1. Ice cream
2. Pizza (and other Italian)
3. Strawberries
4. Sourdough bread

Four sites I visit daily:
1. Fox News
2. Comics.com
3. CNN News
4. IMDB (Internet Movie Database)

Four places I'd rather be:
Actually, my favorite spot is home with HH, where I am now, so this question doesn't really work. But as to places I would like to be (with HH)...
1. Australia
2. London, England
3. with my family in California
4. Italy

Four random things in my bag:
(does this mean purse?)
1. band-aids
2. gift cards
3. phone hands-free cord
4. movie tickets for the midnight showing of Pirates II (this Thursday!)

Four things most people don't know about me:
1. I love rubber stamping and cross-stitch
2. I feel most lonely at large parties
3. I miss my brother tons, now that we're grown and living in different states. When we were little I gave him no end of grief. :-(
4. Just once, I would like to dress goth-punk and dye my hair black

Four people I tag:
1. Stacy
2. Staci
3. Brad
4. You!

Compassion in action

2006-06-29T13:17:00.000-07:00

In my daily meanderings across the internet, I came across this article. A Chinese woman, working as a doctor in prisons, saw the need for prisoners' children to have a safe place to go, since often they were rejected by family members for being tainted by their parents' crimes. The article quotes a saying of Chairman Mao- "a son of a hero is a hero, a child of a bad egg is a bad egg". This is another example of what I learned about Chinese culture when I was there 3 years ago- that family connections are very important, and there isn't the same sense of individualism that some Western cultures have. One person can disgrace their family, and the other members are seen as 'bad' too. Anyway, this Chinese woman has started four homes for prisoners' children. She runs them with minimal staff, because she relies mostly on small foreign donations, and mostly the older children watch out for the younger children. Some kids come from the street, some from living in prison with their parents, some from relatives who don't want them anymore. The doctor, Zhang Shuqin, tries to build up their self-esteem and tell them that they are not bad because their parents have done something bad. The article makes no mention of any religious motivation for her, just that she has compassion on people who desperately need it- prisoners and their children. As someone who spends much more time thinking or talking about compassion than actually practicing it, this woman is an incredible example of compassion in action.

PS- I'm not posting anything on my lack of blogging for the past 3 months (!) because it's pretty much a laundry list of the usual excuse- too busy. Until May I was 'too busy' with school, and in June I've been 'too busy' doing all the stuff I didn't have time to do during the school year (read: optional, fun stuff like reading an entire novel in one sitting). Guess I have an excuse for every occasion! :-)

First hint of spring

2006-03-25T22:14:00.000-07:00

Central Park, March 2006

HH and I at the Cathedral

2006-03-25T22:12:00.000-07:00

Cathedral of St. John the Divine, New York City

New York #1

2006-03-21T06:56:00.000-07:00

It's spring break, and HH and I are on vacation in New York City. We wanted to have a real travel experience, to someplace we'd never been, that still would be reasonably in budget. NYC has enough history to keep me happy, and enough technology and fun stuff to keep HH happy, and so far we're having a great time! Our feet, however, are not having such a great time, since we've walked like 15 miles so far (at least it feels like it).
I'm not going to recount all the things we've done and make this a travel diary, rather, there are some experiences I want to think through and get down on paper... er, blog. On Sunday, our first full day here, we headed out to first learn the subway system and then go straight to the Cathedral of St. John the Divine. I really wanted to see that because I love cathedrals, and also because one of my favorite authors, Madeleine L'Engle, was Writer-in-Residence here and mentions it in several of her books. We got there around 11, just in time for one of the morning services. So after looking around the outside a bit, we went in and listened to the service, which (as usual) made me ponder some stuff about faith in God and the way we express it.
I mentioned that I love cathedrals- every time I have the chance, I love to go into them and walk quietly around. There's something about the soaring pillars and arched ceilings, the royal colors of stained glass- blues, reds, yellows, the echoes and the quiet, that deeply resonates with me. It's so different than the churches I've grown up with, which are utilitarian buildings with minimal decoration. A cathedral's beauty seems to echo something of the majesty and glory of God- the solemn glory, the honor and reverence. The service on Sunday contained more of that reverence- there were many responsive readings, the recitation of the Nicene Creed and Agnus Dei, the cantor singing out in a beautiful monotone- formal words like:
It is right, and a good and joyful thing, always and everywhere
To give thanks to You, Father Almighty,
Creator of Heaven and Earth.
The rub, however, came with the sermon. As expected, it was a modern theological mismash that included some main point about how Jesus' sinlessness was in the sense that He chose to stay in contact with God, and that we don't sin when we choose to stay in contact with God. (I also realized that, sadly, a cathedral's accoustics are great for music but bad for a speaker- the echoes made it hard to understand him). This is High Episcopal, the denomination that is currently accepting gay priests, women priests, doesn't hold to the veracity of the Bible, etc. So my conflicted feelings came basically from this- here is beauty with bad theology; my church has true theology and accessibility without the reverence and beauty. I know how, for almost two thousand years, the beauty and reverence of high churches have turned to ritual and disconnected-ness from God; but when a person knows God, the high church service focuses on His majesty and glory- something that's harder to remember when church is an ordinary building with ordinary words. I guess the heart of the matter is that I wish there was a way to combine the two- a beautiful building, full of majesty and reverence, coupled with the joy and freedom and theology of my evangelical church's service.
I know that's not going to happen any time soon, I just wanted to acknowledge why I feel so torn about the matter whenever I see a cathedral...

If you have done it to the least of these...

2006-02-07T18:01:00.000-07:00

I heard last week that Bono spoke at the National Prayer Breakfast in Washington, DC, but I didn't give it more than a passing thought (other than, 'hm, that's an odd choice for a speaker- would've thought that Dobson would be more likely'). Today, though, I ran across a transcript of his remarks and was very impressed. I don't know where Bono stands on issues of theology- salvation, faith, the deity of Jesus- all the things that I was taught, especially in college, are the most important in life. But he does have an amazing compassion for the poor, especially for someone as wealthy as he is. I think that as much as Jesus focused on the poor, we Christians need to have a focus more like this.

2006-02-06T18:30:00.000-07:00

Argh! I'm such a horrible post-er! (Didn't seem quite right not to hypenate that or I'd sound like a piece of wall art). I'm around, really I am, but it's so much easier just to read other people's work than to put out my own. Although, dear reader, if you're in the mood for web-browsing too, here are some of the random readings I've been doing lately:

Chromasia- a photo-blog my husband showed me. Check out the Portraiture- Children gallery especially.

Makoto Fujimura- World Magazine's Daniel of the Year (for bringing biblical values into the secular marketplace). His Water Flames paintings look amazing- I wish there was a better gallery online.

East Coast Counselor- this woman pours her heart into one of the most difficult jobs around, working with mentally unstable adults.

Freewheeling Bike Tours- completely out of the question financially, but so much fun to dream about!

Angela's Ashes- as usual, I'm discovering a good bestseller about 5 years too late. Very well written, with a great sense of ironic humor cutting through the aching sadness of circumstances.

NYC Tourism- with our spring break trip coming up, the biggest problem will be deciding what to see- so much great stuff!

You can see why I'm too distracted to post. :-)

Besides being a great dad...

2006-01-16T22:24:00.000-07:00

...my father, this past Sunday, finished this. Yay, Dad! It's his 5th race and he had a personal best time of 3:48. I sat near the finish line and cheered him when he came by, thus getting an eyeful of the thousands of other people also finishing a 26.2 mile run. My conscience, meanwhile, mocked me with the realization that I was in the midst of thousands of people in better shape than I am. My conscience is unfortunately still and quiet anytime I think about going out to exercise, though. And when it goes quiet, the couch and the chair and the fridge send out faint melodic trills designed to lure me to them.

I need to drown them out with the sobering thought that my dad is 56 and just finished another marathon. I'm 25 and can't finish a run around the block. Sigh. I have so many good intentions right now that they're almost overpowering those little melodic trills. Almost.

In the Classroom, Part 1

2006-01-14T10:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the end of my first week back to work after the Christmas break ("winter" break according to the district policy, although I forgot to call it that numerous times). I've been mulling over several different things regarding my students and my classrooms, so I'm going to do a series of posts on the topic.

One surprise for this week was the success of my lessons for Wednesday and Thursday. I went to a morning conference with my principal on Wednesday, so I had to have a sub-friendly lesson. That usually means a reading packet with questions for the kids to answer. It also means I make it myself, because the materials that come with the textbook are woefully boring. If you imagine a teacher droning in a monotone about the war of 1812, giving all sorts of definitions and obscure details, that's the textbook. One wise piece of advice I was given, during my student teaching, was to look at the textbook as just another resource, not the dominant guide or tool.

So anyway, the reading packet I gave them for Wednesday was partly about Alexander Hamilton's struggles to found a national bank (since we're studying the first 3 presidents and their actions right now). But the concepts aren't that easy to grasp, and they don't relate to the students' lives at all, so I made the rest of the packet about the national debt and then about personal finance. They were supposed to make a small weekly budget (how much do they spend, how much do they get) and read about the dangers of credit cards. So periods 1,2, and 3 did this on their own while I was gone, but I was there to guide periods 4 and 6. The thing that really shocked me is that so many kids didn't have the slightest idea how to make a weekly budget. They were really confused at that part of the packet, mostly because many of them said, "I don't get an allowance. My parents just give me money whenever I want it" or "I don't pay for anything; my parents get me what I need and want". Now the school I teach at is in a pretty wealthy neighborhood (new suburban homes, probably from $300,000 to over a million), and the kids all have I-pods and highlights in their hair and manicures, but still! Good grief, don't these parents have any idea how to help their kids get ready for the future? So I had to give an example of how when I was in elementary school, I got a weekly allowance, had to put 10% in savings and 10% in church, and had to save for toys that I wanted. They understood why my parents did this for me, but I doubt any of them are going to go home and say, "Parents, please give me less money and put me on a budget so I learn some responsibility". These kids are totally being set up for what I've heard described as overconsumption syndrome- they expect to have a certain level of luxury their whole lives. Parents pay for it now, but when they get their first job out of college, and perhaps can't afford their cell phones and trips to the mall for new Abercrombie clothing every weekend, they will spend it anyway and end up with big debt problems. I experienced a little bit of that myself (the idea of going without a cell phone or occasional meals out would seem like a great hardship to me, but fortunately I never had to make the choice between those and debt), but these kids are going to have such a hard time in a few years. I heard a lot of them saying that their parents have already promised them cars- cars that they get to pick new, not the family hand-me-down.

Nevertheless, they were very interested in the money discussions, especially when on Thursday I told them all about credit cards and why they're such a dangerous thing (high interest rates over time). It's fun to find a topic where the kids aren't having to be forced to pay attention (as with most of our history topics that we're supposed to be studying), and they come up with questions for me the entire time we're holding the discussion. So did I give them anything positive from these 2 days? Spiritually, probably not, but practically, hopefully so. And for me, it's definitely more fun to do a lesson like that where there's some interest, than having to hold their noses to the grindstone ("Okay, guys, today we're going to talk about the precedents that Washington set...")

More cuteness!

2006-01-04T17:31:00.000-07:00

I promise this blog will not become a forum for cute animal pictures (see here if you want that) but occasionally I might succumb to the temptation...

Enough cuteness to last all year!

2006-01-04T17:28:00.000-07:00

This picture is now the desktop background on my computer, and every single time I turn my computer on or off, I can't help saying 'Aw, baby pandas!'
16 baby pandas born in China at a research center this year. Isn't this the cutest picture ever? Not all cutesy things make me melt, but pandas are a weak spot!

7 Sevens for the New Year

2006-01-03T23:41:00.000-07:00

I read this, and since it fits my love of lists and my love of New Year's resolutions (more on that later, perhaps), here are my 7 Sevens:

7 things I want to do in 2006:
*Get back to playing music (piano, flute, and learn guitar)
*Treat my time with God as importantly as I treat time with my husband
*Figure out what kind of master's degree I want to pursue (education? counseling? political science?) and maybe start a class
*Do something service-related in a new area that stretches me
*Exercise more and learn to cook more healthy things (2 in one, but oh well)
*Read more books on theological and spiritual issues
*Spend more time maintaining friendships with short notes, emails, calls, etc

7 things to do less of in 2006:
*Watch TV shows
*Eating fast food and candy
*Worrying about possible crises/disasters/losses
*Read books centering on death and pessimism
*Wasting free time
*Taking family for granted
*Being controlling

7 ways I'm going to be a better wife/friend/daughter in 2006:
*Be more up front with HH about what I want or need him to do, instead of trying to manipulate or be sneaky (and he usually catches on anyway)
*Plan more dinners with my parents- and sister- in law
*Call my grandparents and brother more often
*Call friends and family for a short time when I have a few minutes, instead of thinking that long conversations are the only important ones
*Pray for wisdom in knowing how to support HH, surprise him, and let him lead
*Pray for my students and treat their visits during lunch or after school as opportunities, not bothers

7 Scripture passages I want to memorize in 2006:
*It's been so long since I've disciplined myself to memorize anything, I want to brush up on the Awana verses I memorized growing up
*Break Romans 7-8 into 6 sections, and those are my other 6 passages :-)

7 Books to read in 2006 (that I've not read before):
*The Civil War: A Narrative, Shelby Foote
*The White Album, Joan Didion
*The Tamuli Trilogy, David Eddings
*A Grief Observed, CS Lewis
*The Gulag Archipelago, Alexander Solzhenitsyn
*Soul Survivor, by Philip Yancey (or other books by him)
*some kind of low-fat cookbook :-)

7 movies to watch in 2006 (that I've never seen):
*The Graduate
*Tristan and Isolde (depending on what rating it gets)
*Underworld 2 (HH's request for a date movie)
*March of the Penguins
*X-Men 3 (hurrah!)
*Lady in the Water (I like M. Night Shyamalan's creepiness)
*and some indie movies that have yet to be publicized

Side note: a movie worth re-watching (or watching, if you haven't seen it):
*Crash (if everyone in the US could see this, what discussions and possible changes it might cause!

7 people I want to join this list-making:
* Brad and anyone else who reads this! (I don't know if there are 7 of you, but ah well :-)

2 weeks of bliss

2006-01-03T21:45:00.000-07:00

Happy 2006 to all! And by that I mean that I hope that you, reader, as well as myself, have a year of growth and challenges and grace and the awareness of God's love.
I've really enjoyed the first 3 days of this year, not for any huge reason other than I'm on break from school (well, from work- since my work is teaching school) and it's SO nice! The intuitive reader can probably deduce that since my last post was the middle of December and titled 'Sick', the weeks between then and now were filled first with a huge rush of end-of-semester craziness and holiday craziness, followed by the break. The intuitive reader probably cannot deduce that my 2 weeks of break (of which I only have half a week left) have been filled with a great visit to my family in California for Christmas, seeing old friends, spending time with HH (whole days when we're both off! I love those), staying up late and getting up late, and general laziness.
Side discovery- I think my natural sleep pattern, had I no constraints of alarms, work schedules, etc, would be about 12:30 am to 8 or 8:30 am. It's been so good to feel actually rested on a consistent basis! During the work week, though, giving that much time to sleep means less time with HH.
The enjoyment I'm feeling at these 2 weeks off, though, brings up musings on my attitude towards work. When I'm on break like this, I feel like I actually have a life that expresses me- I have time to read, to play music, to do rubber stamping, to clean the house to the level of organization that I want it to be, to see friends. Naturally, then, I wish that life could be like this all the time- no grading, no stress over lesson plans or kids' behavior, no early mornings, no 11-hour work days. Does that mean I hate my job? I know that I certainly don't like it sometimes, but on the other hand there are lots of satisfying and fun elements to it. Plus I certainly am not lazy when I'm working, and I sure get lazy fast when I'm on break like this. And it's not a reasonable expectation to have all leisure time and no responsibilities or work- most people for most of history haven't had that expectation (some aristocrats and royalty excepted). So I guess the main question is then the sense of mission that I do or don't have with my work- the more purpose it holds, and the more results I see, the more satisfaction (for any job, not just teaching). I think my joy at the break, and reluctance to think about going back on Monday, are partly because I lose sight of the purpose and the results (purpose seems theoretical, and results are rarely seen). I need to spend some time of my break mentally chewing on this, rather than putting it off until Monday morning. Hopefully it'll make the spring semester be more enjoyable and less something to be endured. Because I don't want to spend 4 months enduring something, I want to enjoy it!

Sick

2005-12-11T20:52:00.000-07:00

Bleagh.
That's always been one of my favorite written expressions (a favorite of Snoopy when he doesn't like something, in the Peanuts comic). This weekend it really fit. I was sucker-punched by some really nasty virus- cold, fever, aches, dizzy, the whole bit. And though I usually get over those in 24 hours, this one had me down for 2 whole days, plus the getting-sick and getting-better days on each end. Today I feel better but my sinuses are still having major problems (upon which I will not expound, to the relief of the reader). Fortunately I was able to pull together a sub lesson for Friday on Thursday night, because I could feel myself getting worse, so tomorrow morning I will see what awaits me back at school. Being a teacher is a bit like being a parent, when it comes to subs- they can pull stunts with me, because I'm their teacher and will put 'em in their place. But they better be angels when someone else is babysitting, or I'll knock some heads together!
That's my attempt at being Tough Teacher. :-) Anyway, watch out for a nasty cold & flu bug going around!

Round and round...

2005-12-06T18:17:00.000-07:00

Pant, puff, pant, puff....

The hamster wheel that is teaching continues to keep me working furiously just to keep my place and not fall backwards.

It just started spinning a little faster now that the Christmas season is here and I have gift shopping and wrapping and holiday parties to attend to.

I'm still here... but I'll probably not surface until later this month.

Merry Christmas!

2005-11-13T21:04:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite pictures from our trip to Canada this past summer. The clouds broke for one perfect half hour as we were canoeing on a glacial lake. That was a smile from God to me!

Doing, not Becoming

2005-11-13T20:34:00.000-07:00

On the topic of my last post, here is a post from a friend-by-extension (since we have mutual friends, but never have spent too much time together) that seems to say exactly what I've been thinking lately. I find myself thinking about God a lot, but hardly talking to Him. I find myself extremely busy with things that are all good, needful things- teaching and trying to do my job with excellence, tending to my house, helping with the high school group at church, spending time with Brad (my favorite!), talking to people... but if they take me away from the Source of life, how will I have anything to give any of these people? I go through cycles where I see this clearly, ask forgiveness and try to depend more on God, only to get swept back into the current again. The emptiness below my sense of capability and urgency shows itself once in a while, when I realize that for someone who would say without hesitation that my relationship with God is the most important aspect of my life, I sure don't act like it. What is it that I want? What does real, deep communion with God feel like? I feel like I've been trying to learn to swim in His presence my whole life, but I'm still fighting the motions and my head is bobbing underwater, making me cough and sputter. If I could just learn to move with His presence, it would be effortless and free... but my attempts to make the motions on my own leave me dog-paddling and choking like a small child, swimming for the first time.
May this week be filled with more moments where I stop to talk with God and float in His love and forgiveness.

Confessions of a Spy

2005-11-12T21:15:00.001-07:00

The title of this post makes it sound much more exciting than it is... I don't have any harrowing tales of infiltrating military bases or going undercover as a diplomatic envoy. But I do feel like a spy at times, or at least a gawker- one of those background bystanders in pictures of important events, wanting to get as close as possible to the action. The spying I do, though, is from my desk chair- I am a Blog Spy. I'm a drifter, one who nibbles and samples other people's thoughts, struggles, and random musings, leaving no trace of myself. Simply put, I read a lot of blogs, but I almost never comment on any of them. I have over 20 blogs on my 'favorites' toolbar for Explorer, all of which I visit every 3-4 days at least, yet I haven't left a comment on any of them for a long time. Some are pages of friends, a few are group forums, and some are strangers I've discovered through a '6 degrees of separation' link to the aforementioned friends or groups. Most of these people have no idea that I'm reading their blogs, that I drift by and see what they're thinking, that they scintillate or amuse or anger me. Every day I'm enriched, or at least taken outside my own life sphere, by what I see, yet I never respond to what these people give me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that I've recently discovered a love of autobiographies. There's something of the people-watcher, the spy, in me. In fact, I think there's a fair measure of armchair psychologist, or at least strong curiosity for why people are such mysteries. People are fascinating- full of complexities, utterly unique and unpredictable.
I'm meandering, though- the question here is why I don't comment on other people's blogs. Every time I read a good post, that stirs up a thought or reaction, I think about commenting and immediately draw back. I'm still sorting through the reaction, and I know part of it is laziness- I have a hard time putting thoughts into words, and I'm very critical of what I've written. But a larger part of it is fear- a fear of exposing who I am (and thus who I'm not). I think I have such a desire to see myself as a smart person with a valuable comment on everything that I can't actually enter a dialogue with others, in case they out-argue or correct me or even just disagree with me. But I'm losing the chance to participate and engage with people, to actually get into the grit and texture of life, and I'm becoming a bystander, gazing through a window at what I see going on. I could go join the action- but by making a decision, that would define me more as a person, and therefore shut out some of those options that I so like to keep open. But what am I keeping them open for?

If it weren't for all the people...

2005-10-30T21:22:00.000-07:00

... life would be easy! Or something like that. Sigh... weekends fly by so fast, and Sunday night rolls around and I'm staring into the maw of a week with 170 turbulent 8th graders. I hate that I'm starting to dread the start of the week... I want to love my job, and I do in many aspects, but a few difficult children are all I can think of (instead of the many great kids). I hate conflict so much that it becomes larger than life in my mind, and the people that precipitate it become my mental enemies. When I catch myself wishing certain students would move away, or get expelled, just so my life would be easier, I know my perspective has gotten off.
We've been studying Ephesians at church too, with its exhortations to be renewed in mind and walking in the Spirit, putting away sin and evil. Today Tom the youth pastor asked the question, 'Have you been angry at someone and not dealt with it?' I raised my hand, because I realized that I had anger centered at someone there in the room- a senior girl, who has the maturity of a jr higher and does almost nothing but disrupt, make sarcastic comments to others, and try to look like she's cooler than everyone else. I've been trying to figure out for a while why this particular girl makes me so angry, and I think part of it is that I react to her as a teacher as well as a youth group mentor (she was in my small group last year and made it almost impossible to keep on a topic for more than 2 minutes). She's just like the kids that I fight with every day to pay attention, stop talking, respect the speaker, etc, etc. In both cases the thing that makes my blood boil is the fact that they're not being NICE. If there's anything that's cut in stone in my personality, it's wanting to be nice to people and not cause intentional hurt. Almost the only time I actually want to hurt another person is when they're hurting someone else. What's the perspective I should have on this? How should my mind be renewed so that I can love even those people who are disrespectful to others? I know part of that is that Jesus would see these kids as His irreplacable, supremely valuable creation- He died for each of these teens and His heart breaks when they don't come to Him. I can see that for a flash, but when I try to keep that perspective, it fades away like mist and leaves me with my usual anger and resentment towards them.
Well, there's my prayer theme for a few days at least. :-)

Another Black Mark, Literally

2005-10-16T21:33:00.000-07:00

See, I knew this would happen. I've only had this blog a couple weeks, and I'm already procrastinating on posting. No, not procrastinating, just getting to the end of the day with every drop of energy drained from my body and lacking the mental capacity to come up with a single original thought. But that's okay, because this blog is totally mine, and I am not going to impose any artificial quotas or standards of publication on myself...I think.

So at the moment HH (hottie husband) is in the kitchen, scrubbing with all his might at yet another pot on which I've inflicted bodily harm. My list of bloopers and accidents in the kitchen, already a list of mighty proportions, has just had another entry added to it. (By the way, lest the reader think that I foist my mistakes onto HH to clean up, I told him to just let the pan soak for a good long while but he seems bound and determined to break its will, dang it!) This mistake wasn't even a cooking one, per se. See, years ago I read that you can make your house smell homey and cozy and autumnal by cooking a pot of apple juice or cider and cloves. Yesterday the apartment had a musty funk, so we cleaned and took out the trash, but I put on an apple and cloves pot to cook afterwards, and it worked like a charm. A wonderful, homey smell wafted throughout the house. I made sure to check it from time to time and add more liquid when it started to get low. So tonight I put it on again, to waft its odor while we enjoyed a nice evening at home. It worked like a charm till I noticed that the cozy smell was turning into more of a charred smell. I dashed into the kitchen to find the juice boiled out and the pot filled with a bubbly, crystallizing black mass (which would have smelled great were it not for the burned factor, I'm sure). 15 minutes later, and HH has just now finished scrubbing it clean.
Not to be deterred by failure, however, I've just put on a new batch to simmer and take away the burned smell of the last one. Never surrender!

A Taste of the 70s

2005-10-02T21:08:00.000-07:00

Tonight I got a flashback to an era I didn't even experience. We had fondue night at our Lifegroup! That's always one of my favorite times of the week anyway, and this fondue thing made it even more fun. For the uninitiated, Lifegroups are my church's way of trying to connect people and help the church body to live more in unity. They're basically small groups that meet once a week, of 10-15 people (adults of all ages), not to do a Bible study per se, but to talk about the sermon from the previous week and how it applies to daily life, share prayer requests, what people have been learning, etc. It's a very relaxed, friendly time, and we have dinner at ours too. It's always a potluck style with people bringing different stuff, but someone suggested a fondue night a month ago and our leader Karen organized it all. Brad and I contributed the deep fryer and oil for the meat, and others brought cheese, veggies, bread, dipping sauces, chocolate, and fruit. I'd never done fondue before, ever, just heard about it as a reference to the 70s. It was great! Although cheese dip and chocolate dip don't do much for one's healthy-eating goals.
In a way our time to share stuff about the week is like a fondue too, because everyone has a different spin on what God has been teaching them or what the Scripture section for the week meant to them. Sitting in Jeff and Karen's living room, talking with everyone, really feels like what 'bear with one another in love' should be. Last week's message was a story by Pastor Bob about a sheep rancher who coaxed an abused and mistrustful dog to be his sheepdog and trust in his kindness. Some people identified with the mistrustfulness and abuse that God saved them out of, but my 2 cents was how I would be the opposite of that abused dog. I was raised by Christian parents who taught me about Jesus from my toddler years, so in a way the idea of God's love and care for me has always been a part of my worldview. This has the effect of not making me appreciate Him or rejoice in His mercy as much; in effect, like a sheepdog raised by a loving Master its whole life, who isn't loyal like the grateful dog but continually dashes off chasing butterflies or getting distracted from listening to the Master's commands.
I have to get to bed before it gets later, but my prayer for this week is to be less distractable and more focused on thanking God for what He's done for me and listening for what He teaches me.

Why join the chorus?

2005-10-02T09:12:00.000-07:00

So I'm finally taking the plunge, and starting a blog. As always, I'm about 2 years behind the cutting edge of new stuff to do, which is about as long as it takes me to hear about something, mull it over, watch a lot of other people do it, and then get in on the action. So why now? I guess I'm hoping for a few things out of this. First, that I'll be able to work through stuff that I'm processing and thinking about by having to write it. I'm lousy at journaling, but spend way too much time on the internet anyway, so hopefully I'll do this more often. Secondly, I hope it makes me a little bit of a better writer. I have a hard time getting my thoughts from my head to the paper in a form that I like, so this falls under the theory of practice, practice. Third, I've poked around lots of blogs for a long time now, reaping the benefits of other peoples' experiences and musings, rarely commenting, just observing. I'd like to put a little bit out instead of always taking in (although I'm going to be a chicken and tell very few people about this at first). And finally (fourthly, I guess), I want to have another way to praise God for His grace... without which I would be horribly lost. Hence the working title.
So I sally forth into the thicket of the blogosphere!